July 12th 2019

Today was a crawling day. I didn’t have many classes and I was able to rest a lot. I was creating fantasies of writers that I have read. I saw poems floating in the sky. The sky had an angelic color. I was at peace with myself.
I am taking Lottery Tickets but luck fails me. After a winning streak the tables are down.

I sometimes wonder what’s my purpose in life. It is said in the Bible: the less you have of yourself, the greater will God be present in your life. I ask God to take me through these lean months. I have asked God for a large bounty as a windfall. I keep my fingers crossed in faith. Yes Jehovah Jireh will provide for all my needs.

I think of fondly of Camus, the writer of existential nihilism. Through him I have a developed an ideal philosophy of ontological being as being a purposist (purpose) and valueablist (valuable). For Camus being was Camutic (chaos and anarchy). However I agree with him that an individual must authenticate existence. Sad to say Camus died in a tragic car crash. There are speculative rumors that the crash was engineered by the KGB. KGB guys attached something sophisticated so that the car will sever from the road and hit a tree. An unfinished manuscript of a novel was also found at the crash site.

I admire Paris as being the mental opera and out of it French Philosophers and Novelists have added a lot of fodder for my brain.

I admire Kafka a lot. I ponder a lot on his metamorphoses of Gregor Samsa into a gigantic insect. The fable—metamorphosis is lit with existential irony. We all need myths and fables to make our life interesting. Kafka was a voyeur of existential myths.

I often think of James Joyce my favorite writer. He is an adept in writing in streams of consciousness. The Ulysses is an epic of one day in a person’s life. The protagonist, a fictional self of Joyce, is named as Stephen Daedalus. He is an iconoclast who has defied Ireland and Catholicism and wrote a master piece— Ulysses, embracing Greek Hellenism.

I think of Salman Rushdie whose novel I have started reading. It is a fable lit with magic realism.

How to develop a style of writing that’s unique? I don’t know the answer. I put my thoughts in my pen and make it a point to lead it the way the mind works. I have also started writing for God—Jehovah Jesus. My novel is kaleidoscope of many salmagundis. Sometimes my pen is a poetic flower, sometimes a carving of inveterate irony, sometimes an awake muse, sometimes a theater of conflict. I like to sculpt words of prose. Yes Schopenhauer said that all art should aspire to the condition of music. The Philosopher Nietzsche has said that art is the fusion of the Dionysian and the Apollonian elements. Apollonian means melody and Dionysian is rhythm and beat. My novels contain philosophical ideas, tales and small vignettes. What do I get out of writing? All my pent up feelings get released. Writing is the libido of the mind, the ego of passion and catharsis of the superego. I write for the sake of writing.

April 18th 2019

April 18, 2019
Morning roared to glory—a fiesta for the senses—grass lay like white pearls—mushrooms chirped— I thank God Jehovah for making my life beautiful.

I was able to complete the Autobiography My Story written by Kamala Das. I also finished another novel: The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass. I have lovely little library with a collection of Books, ranging from Fiction, Philosophy and poetry. Since the school is closed I have no work to do. I am able to idle around like a Sultan.

What is there to write? I wonder at the very statement! How does writing occur? Let’s look at writing from a Freudian point of view. A writer has to balance the ID with Ego and the Super Ego. The ID (the body’s desires) is sensual and erotic and the ego (culture and language assimilated) and the Superego (laws of the society) are to be in balance. In short the writer is an acrobat, tight-rope-walking on these three poles. At an earlier point of time my world view was different. I maintained the view: glorify the ID, deify the ego and subvert the super ego. If one goes according to that worldview there would be chaos and anarchy. Such an anarchic worldview was the one propounded by the existential Philosophers like Sartre and Camus. I have converted their existential nihilism into existential positivism. Let me explain it. An existential positivist has a purpose in being and therefore s/he is a purposist (purpose and ism). Life for Purposist lies in Valueablization (value and realization). Existential positivism is a new post-post modern philosophy with its involvement as constructive positivism. Life for the purposist is no longer the Sisyphus who rolls a boulder uphill only to find that the Gods have rolled it down. Life is no drudgery. Existential positivism belongs to the Philosophy of Value Epistemology. Another theme for Valublelization is Globalization. Globalization has so far taken place in the economic and cultural spheres. The ultimate form of Globalization should be the spread of peace, the abolition of weapons, absence of war and all nations being engaged dialogic compassion. Such a kind of globalization can be called Christablization (Christ and abilization). The Christian ethic of don’t beggar your neighbor but enrich him or her should become a reality. Post Post modernism from an ontological point of view lies in the realm of Value epistemology.

I came across a verse in the Gospel of John: “you can live off his generosity—he will pour a gift, a gift and a gift”. Lord Jehovah Jesus, my finances are running low. Grab a grain full of granary and replenish my purse and my bank account.

Evening passed by with the clouds forming a grey impressionistic canvas. Thunder grumbled and I am waiting for rain to occur.

I was thinking about the Holy Communion. Christ called his disciples and took some bread and broke it and said to them: ‘this is my body so eat it’. He took some wine and said to them: ‘this is my blood and drink it.’ I am wondering if the Holy Communion should be done by the clergy. Should it! My answer is no. Every day I take some bread and water and offer it as libation to Christ the savior.

It was cloudy for a long time. It has started raining now. How beautiful are the wet showers. Rain is pouring gently on the earth. Are they the tears of the sky? Is the sky weeping in joy? If you are tuned to nature you get rid of worries and sorrows of this world. Nature is God’s Gift. The robes of nature are more beautiful than Solomon’s robes.

According to Semitic religions like Judaism and Islam it is customary for males to get circumcised. One Muslim friend of mine told me to get circumcised. I did it for his satisfaction. Am I better off or worse? I don’t know. It was the Apostle Paul who said that the gentiles need not be circumcised.

Elections are round the corner. There are three major parties contesting elections. They are left, the Congress and the far right. The far right want to make India into religious country. The left party is a party with fallen ideals and who won’t get a majority. Which party should a secular person vote for? We should vote for a party promoting liberal, secular ideals.