Jan 15th 2019

Nothing much has happened in my life. This day to day routine is trying and troublesome. I think of content to write but nothing much emerges.
I had a strange dream and in it I was going through a tunnel. I looked up at the dream dictionary and found the meaning as, going through a tunnel means solving a problem and beginning a new phase of life. I am excited at the prospects that the dream has to offer.

I wonder where life is taking me to. I dream of visiting enchanted islands like Bali, the Philippines where my significant other lives. I dream of smoking clove cigarettes and having Indonesian grilled fish and duck roast and rice with Sambal.

I nourish writing as a poetic dream. I draw writing with my pen and brush against the canvas of the paper. Form is the evolution of the ego into an aesthetic symbolism of an idealism. Content is what the pen plants as a seed and writing is an evolution of a fruit. Style of writing is a fictional utopia. Meaning is the recognition of the allegory in aesthetic semblances. I carve beautiful sculptures with my pen. Writing is the joyful exertion of freedom. The joy of writing is the liberation of the ego, the joyssance of the body. The text is the manna of celebration. Nietzsche the philosopher said: ‘a good writer is a one who is ashamed of the self’. We write in words about what is a bodily negation. Writing bears the angst of the self. Writing is the art of being a stoic epicurean and a philosophical Socrates. To write as Derrida has said: ‘is to have the passion of origin’.

Jan 8th 2019

I woke up today with three strange dreams. In one dream I saw money, a one dollar bill and in another dream, I am falling down and in the third dream, I saw a smoking Bishop. Seeing money implies material gain. Falling down in a dream represents anxieties and fears. The smoking Bishop could mean, I am following a brand of Christianity that’s liberal.

Dec 21st 2019

I woke up early at 6 AM. I had a strange dream and it I was a wild life conservationist and I come to India to save the life of black bears. One interpretation is a bear signifies power and independence. Another meaning is since the bear being wild it denotes aggressive and untamed character of the person. The third meaning is winning in a gamble like a lottery. I hope this time I succeed. Another meaning is help is coming on the way.

Dec 11th 2019

It’s been quite a while since I have written and posted my journal. Today I want to narrate a significant dream that I had. In the dream, I am trying to escape from my father and he sends thugs to catch me and they finally get a rope on me. Is it a problem of my conscious self—the ego, trying to adjust with authorities in the outer world. I don’t know. I really don’t know why my dead father wants to chase me. Is my dead father a God in disguise? Why I can’t I choose the life I want to live. Yes, I have only one life and I want to live it to the fullest. Being with Christ is a paradox—you are free and you are bound. Is Christ the- paradox, the authority figure wanting to subdue my life’s desires? I don’t know.
I dream of travelling to Bali an exotic island in Indonesia and also to the Philippines. I don’t have moolah to accomplish my heart’s desire. I want to travel, make love to the many women in my life and write all about my experiences. I have the culture of an aesthete. Life should be an experience of art. May the soul be a grandeur of experience. May the soul become with cathartic experiences I dream of smoking clove cigarettes and having grilled fish and duck roast of Indonesia. My heart and soul lives with the islands of Indonesia and the Philippines.

Nov 28 2019

Nothing much happened to me. Life went on like a boring breeze. My sleep has become better and I have cut down on cigarettes. I listened to a Facebook video by Joyce Carol Oates on the art of writing. Though very short, it was very interesting. A writer has to think and feel all the unsaid—the inner consciousness of the mind. A writer’s consciousness is very special. A writer is a person who is very sensitive. When overcome with feeling, when in the emotional cauldron of the mind, the first steps of planting the writing begins.
I had a strange dream. In it I was having intercourse with my wife. It’s not something to wonder about as my sex life is rather starved. Yes Freud is right; dreams are wish-fulfillment of desires.

Nov 15th 2019

I savored the beauty of the sunrise with a mystic passion. I heard the chirps and tweets of birds singing a fond lullaby.

I took an English Class for the 8th graders, the story being 6 Napoleons by Sherlock Holmes. I am not a big fan of pulp fiction, but I enjoyed the plotting of the story. Conan Doyle is a master of storytelling. In the story we find the busts of Napoleons being broken to rubble. Then we come to understand that it is the work of an escaped convict who had placed a priceless pearl in one of those busts. Sherlock Holmes discovers that the 6th Napoleon is to be burgled and makes a plan to catch the intruder. The robber is caught and Holmes smashes the head of the bust to recover the valuable pearl.

I read the Bible and in it the Story of Moses. Moses was born at a time when the Pharaoh persecuted the Jews and ordered that all the male children be beheaded. When Moses was a baby, his mother put him in a reed basket and placed him in the Nile. When the Pharaoh’s daughter saw the basket, she asked her maid to fetch it. She adopted the baby as her own son. The mother of Moses was called to look after her own son. When Moses was a young man, he saw an Egyptian hitting a Jew and then in a fit of anger, he killed him. When the Pharaoh found it out, Moses had to flee to Midian. There he married a Priest’s Daughter.

Nov 13th 2019

Today was a free day as the kids were practicing for the school anniversary. I did a book review on Rushdie’s Midnight Children. Though eminently nominated for the Booker Prize, the writing is shallow and having no depth. The writer up-plays his ego and subjectivises India’s attainment of Independence.

I was reading the story of Jacob in the Old Testament. There are four phases in Jacob’s life, one, the up-phase, then a middle phase and then a down phase followed by celebration and happiness. We find that Jacob stole his brother’s birth right and had to flee home to escape the wrath of his brother. He came to rest in Laban’s home, his uncle’s quarters. He had to work for 14 years to get married to Leah and Rachael. Later on we find that his son Joseph was proclaimed as dead by the treacherous brothers who sold Joseph to the Egyptians. After Joseph interpreting the dream of the Pharaoh, Joseph was elevated to the hierarchy of a minister in Pharaoh’s court. When the famine struck, the brothers came to Egypt to procure food. Then we find Joseph reuniting with his brothers and his father. The end of the story is a happy one. It is provident for us if God blesses us like Jacob.