Masonic and Illuminati symbolism has fascinated me….yes, the all Seeing Eye and the Unfinished Pyramid. My asemic signature has evolved through time….I have engulfed it with the Christian esotericism ….Yes, Christ is more valuable than the secret societies. In my signature, there’s the Alpha and the Omega ….the verse in the Bible which says: ‘I am the beginning and the end’ There’s also the cross which means take up the cross and follow me. There’s also the sign of the fish …..again used symbolically for Christians of the early church…Yes, truth is stranger than fiction.
I am seeing a grotto….there are icons of Mary and canonized saints….the candles lit are glowing…. In the center there’s a book table and I saw the Bible with an open page….I was amazingly surprised at this incongruity ….What is surprising is that there is no icon worship in the Holy Scriptures ….
A Nigerian Scam
I got a very strange letter. A person introduced himself as Dominic Richards. He told me that he has read my works and is very impressed and he also said that he was a judge for the Nobel nominating literary clique. However he said I have to pay him 10% as commission in advance. Yes, truth is stranger than fiction.
I find it difficult to interpret the dreams I have had. In one dream the police were digging the earth to get hold of the corpse that I had murdered and buried. In another dream, my dead father is putting me in a locked dream and is not even allowing me to smoke.
Rain spoke in celestial music….poetry poured over the earth….the skies remained gloomy….a puddle of water lay on the ground like a sleeping baby….shrieking winds battered trees and lampposts…..the rain invited me as a frozen visitor….mutiny lay on the ground like a fearsome shadow….nature is a shadow of embracing the rain…..pour, pour now….a revolution of cats and dogs……
What is the self? Philosophers have pondered about the question but in vain and have ended up in ambiguity. Is it a person or does the person live outside it? Is it a living being that walks and talks and tries to struggle with adversities of life. As religions say, does the value of the self reside in the human heart and it being aligned with God? Is the self an irony tackling with life’s problems? When does the self feel contented? When does it experience remorse? Does the self live with dreams that the Universe can satisfy. Does the self live with the power of positive thinking? The self has tried the power of positive thinking by writing all its wishes and writing it so that the Universe can accomplish it, but all of it is no avail. Existential Philosophers define the as a chaotic entity and having no purpose. But even their philosophies were goal driven. What does the self value in life? What is its intimate desire? What idea can ponder on the intimate meaning of the self? Is the self a ritual of religion? Does the self have a personal relationship with God? Why is the self questioning itself? Why does the meaning of the self end up in ambiguity? What is the ultimate meaning of the self? Can the self be contented in the world of desires and hopes? What happens to the self when prayers are not answered? Yes a tiny voice inside the self reassures the self everything is hunky dory. What is the meaning of exalted existence? Is the self a tiny worm that craves to God for wanting things done? Does the self loud-mouth God when he does not answer prayers. Is the self a mathematical equation who lives life with a tick-tock of a clock? Is the self a living poetry of meaning? Is the self absurd as Camus pointed it to be? Is the self a pain in the ass? Is the self prone to ridicule? Is the self a shameless entity? Is the angst of the self real? What does the self want to experience? What happens to the self when the thrill of life is gone? Is God the sacred presence in the self? Why not leave the self in God’s hands and ask God to forgive and condole our inequities? Is God the answer for the self? Sometimes the self experiences apathy and hatred and yet ironically the self is prone to narcissism. The self is quite a contradiction? Why give importance to self? Is the self given with a mind to think? What does the self do in times of adversity? What is the self dreaming of fortunate weathers? Is the self God given? Or is it a tool for the disposal of the mind? Why does the self experience the irony of existence? Patience and passion are tools of hope. Does the self need to live life untainted with sin? Does the self have to succumb all of its hopes, dreams and desires to God? Can the self live without God? The self is a mystery of questions and riddles unanswered. It is said in the scripture: Love God with all your mind, soul and spirit. But a Christian life is not an easy one. It is true that we all have shortcomings and we are tainted with sin. But the good thing is that sins are forgiven and our names are written in the book of life. We have to invite God into our life and make God a participator of the self. Does life more become precious when God is with the self? I have tried to invite God into the presence of the self. But things which I anticipate have not changed? I feel sorry for having cursed God. But I am an always hopeful self looking for good times to come into my life. Each day of my life I try to surrender more and more to God and try to live a life pleasing to him. Yes life is a gentle song of humor and irony. The self has to discover about God’s purpose for the self. The self has to be intuitive to God’s speech. Does the time spent in prayer have a value? Does truth and morality and faithfulness matter to the self? If so the self is in God’s sight. God can embrace the self in mystic harmony. It says in the Bible by Christ, master who had 90 sheep lost one of them and the master when to search the lost sheep and on finding it he became overjoyed. The Holy Spirit is a loving spirit who overlooks our sin and our faults. I feel that life in Christ is the only true meaning for the self. The sign of the self is a return of God to the self, a fond invitation given out of love for God.
This is a strange story that I heard. While the Vietnam War was going on a missionary went to Vietnam to preach the gospel. He had a translator. Later on the missionary went back to USA. The translator was arrested for his Christian belief. Feeling all is lost, he began to experience woe. In prison he was asked to clean toilets. While cleaning toilets he came across pages used as toilet paper. To his surprise it was pages from the Bible. He washed the shit of the pages and read the scripture avidly. This comforted him a lot. Later on he was released and he escaped on a boat to Thailand. His papers were ready and he immigrated to USA as a refugee.
This happened when my uncle died. I and my brother in law went to his house to bring the things. At that time it was raining and rain seeped through the door into the kitchen. When we looked into the puddle of water, to our surprise we found an image of Uncle’s face.
While I was reading the psychiatrist Jung’s autobiography: Memories Dreams and Reflections a strange thing happened. I was reading about the alter ego of Jung, an archetype called Philemon. I went to attend a phone call. To my surprise, the candle fell on the book and caught fire. Very large parts of the book were burnt.
Comrade Kuttapan is a keen Bible Freak and a staunch communist. Quite an incongruity there but doesn’t matter. As a matter of fact, apart being a Communist Party member he is unemployed. He spends his days in the party office discussing of what is going on in Cuba, the last remnant of Communist Rule. Finally the party echelon decided to get him elected as a district party president. Comrade Kuttapan filed his nomination papers. A month before the elections, Comrade Kuttapan was cycling on a narrow road where a group of mobsters attacked and stabbed him to death. Rumors are agog that the Communist party was responsible for it for they wanted to get sympathy votes. Other tales surrounding his death was he was murdered by the thugs of the congress party. Comrade Kuttapan’s murder is an unknown mystery.