Morning was a sound of music in colors and a chorus of birds in poetry. I thought about my relationship with God—Jehovah Jesus. II am like a dog, loving its master and that’s my relationship with him.
I pondered on my Ego State with God Jesus Jehovah.
I take up the second ego state.
I thought about the self and the meaning of the self to be in the nature of writing. A writer is an artist with an aesthetic function to fulfill. Watching nature is a great impetus for writing. I love watching the whispering brook, the colors of the rainbow, the blossom of a flower, the roaring of thunder, the poetry of rain falling; all these are subtle rhythms of nature and they have to manifest in writing. Here it’s raining now and I am reminded of rain’s rhythm as blues and jazz. Writing is an orchid, flowering in the soul garden of love.
I have come to a point where I have bridged the gap between the fictional self and the real self. Both are a gentle cosmos of the many women I have loved, of having smoked clove cigarettes, of having Indonesian grilled fish, of aesmic writing of writing a fiction of within a fiction.
Writing is the art of the kunstlerroman, an aesthetic development of the writer’s autobiography. In this fin de siècle age, a writer’s pen should be stamped with the authority of the avant- garde.
Life of a writer is throwing caution to the wind and tasting the pleasures of an Epicurean cuisine. Writing is a melody and rhythm of language. What the Philosopher Nietzsche says about art is so true. Art is the synchronization of the Dionysian and Apollonian, the Dionysian being the beat and rhythm and the Apollonian being melody and harmony.
A Pen should blossom flowers; a pen should make souls free; a pen should tune the lyric of nature to music of words; a pen should sketch a character’s personal; a pen is an opera dancing in the celestial rhythms of music; a pen should frolic in the caricature of a soul’s persona.
The Philosophy of Nihilism—the theater of the absurd is the negation of life. But all life is creative and cathartic. Life can be made creative, precious, blissful, and harmonious. And that’s a philosophy of post-modern existentialism. Life is Eros, Creative, Cathartic and Blissful. Life can be lived in aesthononsciouness (aesthetics and consciousness).
I have been taking many lottery tickets but the veil of death encompasses the results. I want to gratify the little desires of my heart. I wonder why I am having no luck. I hope to have a Cinderella’s shoe of luck.
Writing is a great state of contentment. It is not that the self-knows-it-all. Writing is a shock-absorber balancing the resolved and the unresolved issues of the Ego. Writing is a therapy for the soul. A writer laments stoically and also celebrates life with Epicurean vigor.
From a novice-writer, I have emerged as a writer with clarity of vision and surety of content. Writing is the putting the self to art. Sometimes my writing is interspersed with fancy and whimsicality.
I think as a writer you have to be an alter-ego of many writers. Joyce, Kafka, Sartre, Nietzsche, Derrida, Foucault and Eliot—all of them have entered my mind with voracious appetite. I have learned to free myself and construct independent thoughts.