My skull and
My brains ….
My soul
My bruised
In laminations
Of an
Sanity is
Leaving me…
Bad Luck
Me as a
Beast from
The underworld …
I am torn and
Like broken
Pieces of glass…
I sing a
For my sad soul……

April 13th

Morning woke me up with a song. The birds chirped happily. Clouds were gay with mirth. I kissed my wife going for exam invigilation. I thank Jehovah Jesus for all the mercies, love and affection.

Understanding the Trinity

The trinity—the Father, Son and Holy Ghost has baffled me for years. Is it a logical fallacy (wrong method of reasoning) of the text? The Trinity is a divine mystery and belongs to the realm of esoteric wisdom. I asked God in prayer for providing me with understanding. Here lies a humble answer. The trinity is one God having three identities. The Father is the Divine: The Son the Human (God made man in his own image) and the spirit being the third person. It was the identity of the Son that came on earth and was crucified for our sins. The mystery is an Enigma and has to be understood with Faith.

Parable of the Neighbor

I am still reading the Gospel of Luke and I came across the Parable of the Neighbor. Once upon a time there was a person. And to his house came guest. There was no food in the house. So the man went to the neighbor’s house and asked for some food. The neighbor said that all are sleeping and beckoned him off. But the man persisted in knocking and finally the reluctant neighbor got up and gave him a loaf of bread. What does Jesus mean by this parable? Be persistent in Prayer and ‘ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE’. Yes God is there to take care of all our material needs. Parable of the Neighbor as Idiom means God providing for all your material needs. Oh God Jehovah Jesus become the Parable of the Neighbor for me.

When Jesus was healing the afflicted: the Pharisees ridiculed him by saying what he is doing is ABRACADBRA, the work of the Devil. Then Jesus answered: Will God drive out God and Will Satan drive out Satan. Will God drive out God is an idiom for Spiritual Logic. We have to have faith that God will not drive out God.
When Jesus spoke among the crowd: a woman cried out: ‘blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts that nourished you.’ The Jesus replied that: ‘Blessed are the people who obey the word of God’. It is clear that you can’t worship God and Mary. Yes Jesus is condemning all forms of idolatry. Is Mariolatry a blasphemy? The answer is left to intelligence of the reader.

Philosophical Musings
Existential Nihilism adheres to the Philosophy that life is chaotic and absurd. And at the same time: the philosophers contradict by saying that: ‘you have to authenticate your existence’. For me life is neither chaotic nor absurd. Life and being are continually being processed. This processing of life is called processual ontology. For being a Postmodern Existentialist: Life for me lies in VALUBLELIZATION (from value and realization). Again we should live life with a purpose and such a life would be an ideal life and is called as being a life of a purposeist (purpose and ism)

Fictional Philosophy
Again I would like to Fictionalize and Philosophize the meaning of art on to existential ontology. Art has four states: Experiencesy, Catharsis, Angst and Ecstasy.
Experiencesy is the occurrence of daily: we cognize and we also respond to stimuli with our senses. For example: I can taste sugar and know that it is sweet.
Catharsis (For Aristotle meant purification of the soul) is a higher level of experience and involves, thinking feeling and willing. Catharsis is the VALUEBLIIZATION of feeling. For example I am cathartic when I enjoy the beauty and fragrance of a flower.
The Third form of art is angst (the feeling of nausea). Nausea can be physical (the pain of a cancer patient) or mental (like the bereavement of a loved one).
Ecstasy is a pure form of art and enjoys the poetry of the bed. Ecstasy is a pure surrender to the passions of love. Making love is a form of erotic poetry, a music sublime. God has willed that man and woman are one bodily fruit. Ecstasy is God’s Gift.

Philosophical Etymology

Philosophical etymology is the Aesthetization (Aesthetics and realization) of a word with cultural, philosophical and literary meanings. Philosophical Etymology belongs to the realm of Deconstructive Theology. The Guru of deconstruction Jacques Derrida introduced the term binary divide. Binary divide is a process of textual interpretation whereby we can find how texts marginalize and privilege meaning. For example: White is privileged over black and colored. Native English Speakers are privileged over non native speakers for teaching English. From Derrida I have developed a new sign for textuality called Binary Fusion. Binary fusion is inclusive texts. They do not privilege meaning for some people and marginalize meaning for others. Jazz, Blues and Gospel, the divine gift of black culture are a Binary Fusion of being globalized into the Universal culture of music. Indian English having the pride of 50 years of independence should become a Binary Fusion of being accepted as a global language.

Oedipalization/ Phallic Texts/ and Vaginal Texts/
Oedipalization refers to a harmonious personality and the one which not tinged with Freudian complexes, mainly the sexual attachment with father and the mother which is a blasphemy of the psyche. To acquire Oedipalization one must overcome one’s own cultural and social upbringing.
Phallic Texts are texts that dominate the man over the woman. The text which says: language is the domain of man is a phallic text.
Vaginal Texts are texts that balance the feminine with that of the masculine. Examples are s/he wo/man.
Colored psyche floating in the air—you are a copulating Jazz of rhythms—you are gentle loving passionate soul—you are canticle of verses from the bard’s mouth—you are voluptuous litany of prose in marvel.

Autobiographical Musings

I must thank the God All mighty for giving me new thoughts on the art of writing fiction. Ever since 2013 I was searching the right methodology of fiction. Yes, God has said give time for your soul to grow. Yes, the seed which God planted in me has become a ripe fruit of harvest. After I started reading the word of God, I have sent my worries crashing down the hill of pestilence. I sit with a joyful heart. I take joy in the little things of life. I meditate on the word of God day and night. God has blessed my sleep. I am no longer dreaming of childhood traumas. Worldly Philosophies have ruined my life leaving me to have confused worldviews. I now have an inner peace in me, a peace of Christ that the world cannot give me. I am lexi-polygamizing words of the Bible. Lexical Polygamy is a new way, a figurative device of interpreting the scripture. The reader soaks in the richness of the word as food and does not take into account the context. In other words: the reader absorbs the words into life. Life is an existential poetry with God Christ. I have removed all the chains of hate and anger I felt with God. I count on the blessings that have been given by God. I have a beautiful wife and two gorgeous children. God gave me an autistic son who is very special to me. I have a lovely daughter who is doing dental science. God today the 23rd of March has revealed the form, content and style of the novel. I have removed all hatred and bitterness that I have felt for my father. I have forgiven him completely. I have also forgiven my friend Mignonette for all the loose, dejecting thoughts that I have written against her. I regret for having called my mom an old hag. I am thankful to God that he provides me for my daily needs.

The day was a swan in incarnation—a whisper of the soul—radiating outer beauty—sweet buns chirped their daily song of beauty—the Sun made love to light by spreading a wondrous panorama—I soaked in nature’s beauty—God is doing a poetic waltz—a decoration of the feast of the sky in rhythms of poetry—sunshine—you happy soul—how you frolic with lifer—my heart is that of a poet—beatitude of colorful wings are dancing on the flowers—beauty is incarnated everywhere—God, yes divine Christ—love me as your son, as your very own—speak to me in your language—love me every day and bless me with love—nature is a gift so ethereal and kind—a love so tranquil—a mystic adoration—a kaleidoscope of the heart of God—a mystic poem—a song of love—a beatitude—an ornament to delight in—a karma of lights sounds and music—how I love solitudinizing nature—nature now leaving a rhythm of beauty—a hymn so kind—a decorated pastry—a wonderful incantation. This is a narrative in streams of consciousness. I admire James Joyce who was a master of it.

My development as a writer started from the buildungsroman that is autobiographical writings ….and then I proceed to become adept in the kunstlerroman, the aesthetic development of a writer. God has given me a new form, content and style. God has become a creative muse for me.
I have reached 49 years of life and it is now only that I have found Christ the savior. I am learning to love writing for him. I have a version of the Bible called the Message a bible written with allusions and idioms. I love reading it very much. Every day I get new inspirations when I read the Bible. I have started reading with Gospel of ST Mathew. Jesus has taught me the power of words and has told me to use words with caution. Yes words are things and by using them we bring our reality to existence.

It is blog writing that has helped me to evolve my writing. After reading God’s word the thoughts that are coming to me are immense.
What is the soul? It’s a wonder creation by God –a created star of beauty. I am so happy that God has promised me his riches in heaven. I look forward to eternity and living a life with Christ. I am happier in writing the creative words than typing on the keyboard as I am able to focus my thoughts very carefully.

We have to be sensitive to our souls—be happy with our hearts—and be contented with our bodies. God Christ I am so sorry for the sins I have committed in the past. Wash it all away like white snow. Make me a new person with a new body and soul. Dwell in me. Enrich my thoughts with the finesse of language.
Yes God I love you with all my heart and soul. I marvel at the way you overcame Satan’s temptation. You did love mankind that you have given your precious body and blood as an altar for redeeming mankind from sin. You are the true messiah that incarnated. The WORD in you became flesh and blood. I think of the marvelous way you confronted the prostitute and repentant thief. The prostitute washed your feet with luxurious perfume found in the land and the thief on the cross begged for forgiveness. Christianity became a way of life, a celebration with them. We should emulate the life of these saints.
Lord far from the negation of life and treatment of life as the chaotic and the absurd, in you Christ I have found that life is valuable. I follow life as purposeist. Life is valublelization of our souls and bodies. Yes Lord there’s a meaning and purpose in our life. Life of a purposeist lies in valuablelization. This existentialism post modernized.

I have also begun to think of the existentiallization of art? At an existential level art is music with three states called as ecstasy, angst and catharsis. Art in its highest form is praising you and that is ecstasy. The art of making love is catharsis. Bereavement of loved one can be called as angst. The other forms of are art cognition and interpretation. It is the art of making realized meaning. Making love as art is a form of poetic music.

Sometimes in our daily walk of life we forget to appreciate the beautiful, simple things of life. We become clouded by the vanity of our desires. The simple things of life: like watching a new born flower, enjoying the puddles of water that seeps in as rain, watching butterflies dance in the wind, watching lilies and roses sway in the wind, all these are nature’s precious gifts. Yes, we have to celebrate life with nature. Nature is a poem to be sung an art to live. We have to beautify living. Keeping a blog and recording our thoughts is a good thing. We must not be overcome by passionate temptations.

Today I spent all the day thinking, meditating and writing. Today was a meaningful day in my life. I was able to interpret the parables of Jesus, coin new idioms, play with language, and coin new figures of speech. I am able to balance life and language. I am able to harmonize my fictional self with my real self. I feel so happy and contented. From the desert I have traveled to the poetry of an oasis of hope. Literature is my life and I am happy with it.
Lord Jesus I want to travel all over the world and write and travelogues. I don’t have the means for it. This I put to you as a humble prayer. Give me plenty of opportunities to visit strange and exotic places. Help me write all my life. I put this request to you in humble prayer.
Lord I feel sorry for the people who idolize Christianity. I know that true Christianity is not found in idolatry. Lord I feel that we should Christianize Catholicism. I feel sorry for the sheer blasphemy of these people. It is said in the scripture that worship no graven image of any likeness found on the earth or in the sea. Lord let not people make a mockery of religion. It is said in Scripture that you must worship that Lord God Jesus with all your heart and your soul.

For me, I was thinking for a long time to move away from home and my wife and to stay independently. I have learnt to love my wife and the Lord has removed all my desires of wanting a home. Lord it’s my desire to paint and tile the school and also to buy a new vehicle and also to give the teachers a bonus. Lord I hope that you will hear my humble prayer requests. Lord let my pen become a slave for you and flower it to me with love. Christ has said whatever you yes on earth will be a yes in heaven. Lord I am happy that I have started writing for you. I am filled with so much love and so much gratitude. Lord give me the grace to love my wife and my children. Help me not to fall into the snare of the Devil Amen.

Analysis of Heidegger’s Philosophy

Heidegger defines being is Dasien or standing out. Heidegger goes on to question the meaning of being in an incoherent way. The meaning of being lies in three states—catharsis, ecstasy and angst. These are primarily ego states and the meaning of being is related to processual ontology. Meaning of being is always in the state of being processed.

Heidegger connects being to time. How does time be a source of generic references? The historicity of being lies in its connectedness with temporality. All sensory phenomenon enter the realm of consciousness through time. The meaning of being, its historicity is revealed in the structure of time.

Next Heidegger makes an explication of truth. He tries to paint a picture of truth and posit it with its relationship to the meaning of being. I would like to propose a twofold dictum for truth. Truth consists of facts and emotions. Facts can be scientific, fictional, legal or medicinal, linguistic or mathematical. Emotions are bottled up in the three ego states of the mind—catharsis, angst and ecstasy. Truth is temporal and the meaning of truth changes over time.

Heidegger does not formulate and adequate answer to the meaning of metaphysics. How does being occupy a transcendent structure? The meaning of being in processed in three ego states—Catharsis, angst and ecstasy. These states of the mind become conceptual as transcendental ontology.

Next Heidegger proceeds to define art. First of all art is processual ontology. The art of being has three ego states—angst, catharsis and ecstasy. Being exists as an epic in these three states. Next definition of art lies in creation. Art can be painting, music or literature. The creator is God when she or he creates a work of art. The artist while creating attains the structure of transcendental ontology. Next definition of art lies in cognition and interpretation. When we cognize with our consciousness we are creating a structure of art. Similarly art awakens when we are in the process of interpretation.

Next I would like to interpret Heidegger’s concept of Humanism. Humanism as a philosophy is defined as a concern for the human being. For me, as a philosophy, I would like to envision humanism as dialectical humanism. In the economy of wants and needs, labor is also a product and the product of labor lies in valuablelization. Dialectical humanism proposes a society to be established on the basis of justice and peace. There are no borders as nations and the world is one as a democracy. Dialectical humanism paves the way for the establishment of a single monetary currency and one world government.

Critical Analysis of Sartre’s Being and Nothingness

Sartre begins his argument by contradicting the Descartes dictum: Cogito Ergo Sum: I think therefore I exist. Sartre says that the consciousness which thinks is a secondary consciousness and there is a primary consciousness called pre-reflective cogito or being in itself. It is from the being in itself that the secondary consciousness emanates and that being is called as the being for itself. And then there is a consciousness of being for others. Sartre starts from the primary assumption of consciousness as an existing state. He fails to define what consciousness is. For me consciousness is God given and its fullness. It’s Freud who has made a dastardly dichotomy as Id, Ego and Super Ego. In our day to day life no man or woman ponders on these three ego states.
For Sartre ego is an aspect of consciousness. Consciousness is individual and specific. Consciousness determines states like love and hatred and these become the ego. The Ego is the interiority of consciousness Both the Ego and World are transcendent objects. The I deals with the unity of actions and the me: the states and qualities. The I does not revert to solipsism and the I proves the existence of being in the world. Consciousness is a free consciousness and should not shield itself from responsibilities. If consciousness is transcendent (it’s an irony here that an atheist like Sartre wants to posit consciousness in transcendence), it should have a conscience. Who planted conscience in Man’s mind? It is not our instinct that forbids us from incest, rape, murder and pedophilia. So we have to convincingly assume that there is a moral law enshrined in man’s heart. Of course deviants who are mentally sick are an exception.
Consciousness must express itself in nihiliation for the absence of objects. Emotion is simply a way in which consciousness seeks to live its relationship with the world. Examples are finding one’s way in the street and the power of persuasion. All existence is absurd neither having reason nor passion. I would like to contradict Sartre’s saying that there is nothingness or nihilation in consciousness. Consciousness always signifies a presence to a becoming whether it is affirmative or negative. How can existence be viewed as absurd? For example: I live in the world; I have a work; I have my family; my life may be easy or difficult but yet I find meaning in my life. Again life is goal and motive driven. Sartre and Camus are notoriously famous for positing that life is absurd. Wasn’t there a purpose when Sartre wrote the book: Being and Nothingness and Camus wrote: The Myth of the Sisyphus. Purpose in life has an ontological dimension. God makes a purpose in life while the nihilists negate life. One can choose existential nausea or angst of the nihilists or one can be saturated with abundance and happiness in Christ.
Being in itself is a consciousness of de trop. Man is a being out of which nothingness comes into the world. How can being in itself an aspect of consciousness, be de trop or unwanted or unwelcome? Consciousness is not a nothingness but fullness or plenitude. Even negation signifies a presence of meaning. There is no pure nothingness of consciousness.
There’s always nothingness between a motive and an act. One encounters anguish. Here again lies a contradiction. If I am making love to my wife, how is it an angst for me? If my desires are fulfilled then how can my life be angst ridden? Desire is irrational. To destroy desire would be to destroy the for itself. The idea of God as a creator leaves no room for human freedom. Dependence on God does not free the individual. One’s life is not free if God determines the end of it. Christianity is paradoxical here as God (Christ) gave free will to man leaving the existential choice to accept or refute God. In order to remove the original sin of Adam and Eve, God sent his son Christ who was crucified and shed his blood so that all mortals may be saved. Christ himself says: that ‘my yoke is light’. Faith in God is not Sartre’s bad faith but good faith. Again I would like to batter my words against Sartre’s dictum: ‘man is condemned to be free’. With God there is no condemnation of freedom. Freedom is catharsis, a celebration, a joy. I am glad that I live in Christ every day.
There are two types of guilt, psychological guilt and existential guilt. Psychological guilt is doing a kind of wrong which to which one is not personally responsible. Here lies bad faith. It is the refusal to face anguish. Existential guilt being made an object of another. Original sin is an example. How can the for itself live…by reason or by passion? Sartre adopts free consciousness and rejects the Freudian ID EGO and Super Ego. Glorify the ID, transcend the Ego and subvert the Super Ego. There is no evil but only choice. The body represents man’s facticity. How do we encounter the other? Sexual desire a deep seated desire to capture the other’s subjectivity. Sex is a failed emotion. With God there is no room for guilt but only repentance. God forgives a genuine repentant heart. How can sex be a failure? Sex is sensual catharsis, a passion of the mind and an ecstasy of the body.