Jan 13th 2018

The day has been one of contemplation about how to write a new novel of art encompassing philosophical fiction. I long for some weed to awaken my consciousness. Weed has become so scarce thanks to the vigilantism of cops. Dope sellers don’t trust me and so they don’t give me weed. My lover in Bali, a Hindu, who practices yoga and meditation sent me some photographs. She is so sensual, so passionate, so bubbling with romance. Yes, I long to travel to Bali and make love to her. I long to smoke the clove coated cigarettes of Indonesia. I long to eat the tasty grilled fish. Oh Lord make it a happening. Yes, I am tired of work: would love to settle down probably in a hill station of India and spend the rest of my life in writing. Would love to win the First Prize of 6 Crores of Christmas Bumper offered by the Kerala State. I am tired of my nagging wife. I would love to spend the evenings having a quiet drink and chatting with my loved one. Yes, I feel marrying again. May be I will marry the woman from Bali.

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Jan 11th 2018

The day has been a slow crawl. The only significant thing I saw was a Raven with its beak open. I hope it will bring me good tidings. I have a bloody Indian wife who is emotionally and physically not satisfying me. I long for better times. I need a woman who has a loving heart, a beautiful mind and who can be passionate bed. I think that’s a dream. I have the poverty of luck in dating sites. I wonder why profile does not click. Asian and South East Asian women tolerate blacks. They are colonially prejudiced. I wonder why? My lottery luck has been a bitter fruit. I need money to go to Bali to meet my beloved.

 

Jan 10th 2018

It’s been a while since I wrote a journal. The reason is that I was working on a novelette. After completion, I feel so satisfied. I feel like a poem in love. I have invented a new genre of fiction called Philosophical Fiction. The fiction draws inspiration from the Cubist art of Picasso, from Streams of consciousness in Literature and from Jazz in music. The novel I have titled as Picasso’s famous Guernica. I want to explore the fiction of avant-gardism. Plot means very little to me. The form of storytelling has to change with the contemporary times. Art is the soul of literature and mind is the aesthetic of fiction. My fiction resembles an abstract painting. Though I have not won any lottery I am feeling so happy. I am being loved by woman from Bali. She constantly Skypes me. Yes, I nourish the dream of going to Bali and making poetry with her. When will my wishes get satisfied? With my meager resources, I have been able to publish E-books, thanks to Bookrix my faithful publisher. As an author, I have not been commercially successful. But I am happy and contented that I am writer

Dec 24th 2017

The school annual day Christmas celebrations got over. The program went on very well. Won 2000 Rupees for the lottery draw, spent 1000 Rupees and 1000 Rupees, I donated to the Church. Poems fly in my mind with wings of prose. Was reading the Bible, the chapter: Exodus. Read the story of Moses, the wonderful way in which he was hidden in reed basket and later taken up and adopted by the Pharaoh’s daughter. It’s a coincidence that his own mother was asked to nurse the child. God chose Moses to liberate the Israelites from the Egyptians. God used Moses to create miracles but the Pharaoh’s heart was stubborn and would not yield. Spoke the welcome speech for the school annual day. I would like to post the speech here in this journal.
Distinguished Guests, dear Parents, Staff and Students, I have immense pleasure in welcoming you to this auspicious occasion where the school is celebrating the annual day along with the festivities of the Christmas Season. First of all I would like to enunciate what Christmas begins to me and I begin with an acrostic of Christmas.
C Stands for Christ and it’s from Christ that blessings, grace and mercy flow. Christ came for us to save us from our sins and that’s what makes Christmas a special occasion. May Christ, grant you, peace, love and blessings for the year 2018.
H Stands for happiness. Even during times of difficulties we must be able to lend a cheerful smile. We must be filled with happiness for our families and our loved ones. Happiness also means lending a helping hand to the needy.
R stands for Resistance. When we are faced with life’s temptations and when evil forces try to subdue us we must flee from it. R also stands for repentance. We must learn to repent to God our inequities. Even Christ was tempted by the Devil after his 40 days of fast in the wilderness. So this Christmas let’s learn to resist and repent.
I stands for the Ego and the Self but what Christ says is to lower your ego and humble yourself. One must be servants to others and not masters. We can’t understand God with the I in it. We have to feel the love of his presence.
S Stands for solidarity and solidarity means acting in unison for the welfare of all. Solidarity begins at home and we as fellow family members we should retain the self with solidarity. Solidarity also means engaging in pursuits which benefit the society.
T stands for time there are three types of time clock time, inner time and eternal time. Clock time is all familiar and needs no explanation. Inner time is the time spent with our inner subjectivity. We can spend our inner time in solitude and meditation. We can have fellowship and communion with God. Eternal time is heavenly and it’s the time so that will make us immortal with the presence of God.
M stands for mutualism. Mutualism is an action that will benefit both parties. Our relationship with our fellow beings should be based on the spirit of mutualism and good camaraderie.
A stands for acceptance and should always be in a positive frame of mind and accept our circumstances and transform our lives with our limited opportunities.
S signifies sincerity. We should be sincere in our actions. Our Karma should be such that we seek no reward for our actions.
I hope the love, presence, fellowship, grace and mercy of God Christ be with us all this Christmas and the year 2018.
Next I take the task of welcoming Dr. George Samuel our distinguished chief guest. Dr. George Samuel started his career as a nuclear scientist and later he set his footprints into Christian Evangelism. He is the bestselling author of the famous book: Courage in times of discouragement. The book is autobiographical based on the sufferings that he has encountered in his life. Faith in God and the grace of Christ has enabled him to face all obstacles bravely. Dr. George Samuel is the Director of Value Education Centre and the president of the Navajeevayodyam Bible College. We welcome you heartily to this auspicious occasion.
Next I would like to welcome the Vicar of St. Thomas Church Rev. Dr Abraham Zacharia. Rev. Dr. Abraham Zacharia is a person of scholarly enlightenment. He is going to say reminiscences about our founder the Late Prof. Mathen Bose. Achan we welcome you to this occasion.
Next I would like to welcome the members of the Panchayat. We are so glad to have you in our midst and you are going to make this occasion a memorable one.
Dear Parents you are our backbone of the school. Without your support and encouragement the school cannot progress. We as teachers are proud and devoted to teach your Children. Dear Parents, I extent to you a warm welcome.
I also welcome students, teachers and non teaching staff for this beautiful occasion.
I also welcome the people who are in charge of the sound system, the stage and those who are doing videography.
I dream of visiting Siem Reap and going to the temple of Angor Vat. I hope to get a windfall. Where is the writer in me? A writer lives with his heart and soul. I have started reading the writings of Kurt Vonnegut. I plan to write a commentary on it. My books are exhausted. Need money to buy new ones. Did an interview for an International School in Maldives and I got through. I might join the school in January. I am fond of the Biblical verse: ‘What you sow in tears, you will reap in joy’. Morning was delightful poetry as I listened to chirp and twitter of birds. Dawn woke me up in radiant colors. My soul became a poetic catharsis of harmony.

 

Dec 20th 2017

Exams are over, all the answer scripts corrected and kids happy as I am not a miser when giving marks. The kids are all excited for the coming Christmas and Annual day celebrations. Got a book on Kurt Vonnegut. Wanted to read it but was too lazy. My significant other sent me a video of hers sleeping cozy in bed. My loins started waking up in poetry. She looked so cute. It’s been ages since I have shared the pleasures of the bed with her. Won a lottery prize of 500 Rupees. Had butter Nan and Tandoori Chicken with it. I encountered the sky in its setting in reverie. The sunset was dancing in the clouds of delight. My significant other is a Filipino. She is passionate music. She has encouraged me so much in my writing. I long to be an artist writer. Art is the meaning of my life. Every word that I write is a sheer burst of catharsis. I have to travel, encounter people, places and make love to women and all these experiences will make me a writer. My writer self has to be an evolution of art. Catharsis, what a beautiful word coined by the genius Aristotle. Jazz is a pour of poems in poetic prose. Country music, you arouse words in syncretic , eclectic catharsis. Rock music is a torpedo of words. Bach and Beethoven melody words. Caresses and kisses, I miss so much. I long to be loved like a poem. Music, you are art of the highest heavens. Darling, echo a poem into my body. Nourish me with ecstasy. Time is a divinity etched in a metaphor. The beauty of galaxies is a mirror of metaphors. Darling Mignonette, I have grown so fond of you. I do fondly nourish the way I kissed you at the airport. The kiss still lingers in my mouth as blossomed flowers. The way I melted in your orifices was passion softly flowing as a lake. Darling Mignonette, when will fate allow us to meet again? I long for the music of passion.

 

Dec 16th 2017

Woke late this morning. Don’t know why? My life in this village hamlet proceeds at leisurely pace. The school kids came to the house for the dance practice. I have been given the honor of giving the Welcome Speech for the school day. Saw two yellow butterflies dancing gaily as though they were writing a poetic lyric. It’s my niece’s birthday and I am having Biryani in the night. Thought a lot about Maurice Blanchot the French writer and philosopher. I was fortunate to read his book: the space of literature. The ornament of Literature is put into the stoic space of literary thought. When writing, one must let go off the self and become a freedom self. There is no perfect literature. Literature lies only in degrees of perfection. One has to transcend one’s gender, nationality, race and caste when one is writing. Leave the past, live the present and hope the future. My android conked out and my dear wife was extra generous in buying me a new one. I have taken Maxim Gorky’s short fiction. Wanted to analyze it but did not get the time. Russian writers are passionate ones endowed with the rich soul of writing. Literature if it’s an art has to resemble music as music being the highest forms of all art. I don’t have a paisa in my pocket yet I am the happiest man alive. Bought a lottery ticket with a fancy number 275275. Most days the winning tickets are fancy numbers. The year is soon going to end and a new year will bloom like a flower. What is a writer’s consciousness? A writer begins to see art in all things great and small. A glass for a writer is sculpture, a cistern an aquarium, a bird, a bard on wings. Time speaks to us in our inner consciousness …Time is a horse on wings, a bard, a druid. She has not been contacting me for very long and I wonder why? I hope she is OK, well and fine. I feel so worried about her. I wonder if she has lost interest in me. I keep applying to schools abroad. They ask me to send my resume and I when I do, all I get is a silence. Sometimes I wish, I could retire and spend the rest of my days in solitude and writing. Most of my books are free and I am not interested in monetary benefits. Literature is the food of my life, my daily bread. Sometimes I feel bored with my work as I am teaching English to 6th 7th and 8th graders. Most of the texts though having high flying names like Oxford and Cambridge but are far away from the daily realities of the child. I have taught kids the art of writing essays, the art of making metaphors and I also teach them a new word in the assembly. I love Jazz and I try to incorporate its rhythms into writing. Blog writing has helped me to evolve the writer in me and I am grateful to WordPress and Blogger. What new avant gardism can I put into my writing? What type of writing will evolve after streams of consciousness? Our minds are always in streams of consciousness. We are talking selves. I have to buy a new set of books as my books are all exhausted. I need some money for it. Van Gogh’s letters to his brother Theo are so passionate so enduring and they echo an artistic symphony. I have read Salvador Dali’s autobiography and I love his ego deification. Art is life, and living a poem, making love is music.

 

Dec 14th 2017

Was busy correcting exam scripts. Enjoyed the dawn, the melody of colors cascading as a water fall. Smoked a lot of cigarettes. I am thinking of buying some books as I have exhausted all my collection. I am fond of reading books and interpreting them. I am fond of French, postmodern, post-structural thinkers like Derrida, Foucault, Blanchot, Bataille, Lacan and Barthes. Writing for me is like smoking pot and making love. I am trangressional and confessional in my writing. How much I yearn to win a windfall. Read the Bible. I am fascinated by Joseph’s story. Joseph’s brothers were jealous of him and sold him to the Egyptians. He was appointed as the housekeeper in Potiphar’s household. Potiphar’s wife became enamored with him and asked him to bed with her. He refused and she slandered him to her husband telling him that Joseph wanted to rape her. He was put in jail. In jail he was able interpret dreams. Then Pharaoh had a dream and in the dream he saw seven bovine creatures being devoured by seven famished ones and then he saw seven stalks of stout grain being eaten up seven malnourished ones. No one could interpret the dream and then Joseph was called in and he said to Pharaoh that there will be seven years of plenty on Egypt followed by seven years of famine. So Joseph advised the Pharaoh to stock up for the famine. Joseph was crowned with laurels and he was appointed as a minister. From Joseph’s story I garnered that God has a specific plan for each individual and in God’s time, he will elevate a person. During the famine Joseph’s brothers came to visit him and he embraced them warmly. I am wondering how to write postmodern fiction. Postmodern fiction employs meta-fiction, pastiche, irony and magic-realism in its narrative. My fiction belongs to the realm of philosophical narratives.