She

She is my significant other and she is billeted in a grand hotel in Jakarta. She is sleeping on a king size bed. I ruminate on the bed, its quilty softness, its impressionistic colors… I feel sad; I miss her company. I could have made love to her like writing of poetry. I have missed so many chances of being with her.

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The Whore

I and my two friends were out on a beach in Aleppy, the Venice of the east. We went out in the sea and got wet. The waves frolicked in the sea like mermaids. Suddenly we realized that our money was wet. We put it on the ground to dry in the sun. A woman came near to us…then her eyes greedily devoured the money…She gave an inviting, lecherous smile. We being conservative fools shooed her off. Do whores have the instinct to smell money?

He

He was an anthroposophist. He came down all the way from Switzerland to visit me. I was his dear friend and I used to write letters frequently to him. We checked into a hotel and he hugged me and then started kissing me. It was at that point of time that I realized he was gay. I told him bluntly that my orientation is straight. He was so keen on having anal intercourse with me. He tried to offer me a bait. ‘Anand, do you realize, what I can do for you in your life? I can offer you sponsorship to Switzerland and offer you a cushy job in the Goetheanium’, the headquarters of the anthroposophy. I politely declined his offer. He was not upset and continued to be a good friend while his sojourn with me in Kerala. Did I make mistake. I could have offered my butt. But then I didn’t. I am not gay. Did I hurt his feelings by not cooperating? I don’t know! I think I did the right thing.

 

The Killing

I dreamed of killing her for a long time. The pleasure of killing brought to me a great deal of sadistic satisfaction. I wondered of the ways in which I could kill her. I brought a knife from the market and polished it. Its end was sharp and gleamed like a crystal in the sun. Then I thought of strangling her. One clasp of her neck and break it into two. How pleased I was! Then I thought of poisoning her. She takes a glass of milk in the night and so I thought of putting some poison into it. In the end I killed her. She was only a mosquito that sat on my hand. Deed accomplished, I feel very gratified.

His Story

He was a colleague of mine, a chief administrator in a school office. He was in his thirties. He has a sad story behind him. His wife ditched him and eloped with another man. He is a Jesus freak. He was looking for a partner to fill the void in his life. By chance he happened to encounter a nurse in the UK who started sending positive vibes to him. She was married but her husband had died. She came from a Pentecostal family. Her mother asked a pastor to pray and find out if the marriage was God willing. He prayed and said ‘no’. I wonder what kind of gift that the pastor has. Isn’t he being cruel and acting as stale fish. I am sure that God will not reveal a plan that will sabotage someone’s life. My colleague became heartbroken. Some pastors are real chains that fetter people’s souls and they have the audacity to call themselves as God’s prophets. What kind of bull is that?

The Dark Side of Astrology

Truth is stranger than fiction. Yes it is. This happened to me. I used to read astrology columns for sheer sport and fun. Personally I believed it to be crap, a lot of mumbo jumbo, mystic nonsense. The astrology column that I read was Eastern Astrology written in my native language Malayalam. According to Eastern mythology my star is Rohini which is the star of Krishna who is supposed to be a god in India though ironically it brings no talismans for me. I was desperately looking for a job in South East Asia where the East and the West merge incongruously where the unrighteous can celebrate their vices. And that week he predicted that I will land up a job in a place of my desire and all my cravings will be soothed. To my surprise on Tuesday I got an email from a school in Cambodia and soon received a telephonic call in broken English almost gibberish. They told me they will offer 1000$ and airfare and visa have to be managed by me. I have to join by next week. Now how the hell am I going to manage the funds having not a single penny with me? I live on a meager 3$ a day which is more than enough to meet my daily needs. I thought of taking lotteries and took them each day. Having no luck I kept postponing by telling them I am getting delayed by lack of ticket availability. The next week came and the same astrologer said I will lose my job due to lack of fulfilling the desired stipulations. That was on a Sunday as it is a weekly column. I had sent a query to them as to when I should book my tickets? Monday morning I eagerly opened my email at 6:30 AM as Cambodian time is 1 and half hours ahead of Indian time. I was devastated when the HR informed me in a sentence all laden with grammatical errors that his boss had rejected my appointment and I need not book air tickets. Actually I was planning to beg my rich Middle East neighbor as the last option. Is there a demon, an ugly fiendish, brute of beast lurking in astrology or is it merely coincidence. I really don’t know. I learnt my lesson not to dabble in the occult.

Bookeratti

The Bookeratti were an eminent panel of Judges given the authoritarian power of censoring a book. Though each of their views was differing, they were unanimous in giving their verdict: ‘The Book is banned from the Country Democrazy’. Let’s look at how they determined their verdict.
The Book condemns the marriage of the Mr. XXX to a 9 year old. Shame! The book ridicules Mr. XXX with pedophilia.

The book takes a jibe at how a saint can attain salvation while sitting under a tree.
The book accuses a saint of winning freedom with non violence. The book accuses the saint of psychological and moral violence.

The Book promotes adultery, fornication and sodomy.
The Book puns the mythological gods and goddesses and blasphemies them with semantic virulence.

The book does not fear death or eternity.
The book calls eating beef as sacred.
The Book calls eating of pork as spiritual.

The Book exorcises Jihad as a blasphemy of democracy.
The Book criticizes N country for slamming missiles close to democracies.

The book proclaims that weed should be made freely available.
The Book prophecies Sexianity as a religion.

The book is a labyrinth of undecipherable riddles.