Daily Journal

It was raining cats and dogs today. Did a lot of traveling on my scooter in the rain. Was able to soak into the cool breeze that serenaded my cheeks like a waltz. Getting wet in the rain was a feeling of being poetic as Jazz. Had to run around a lot to get my daughter’s certificates done. Visited a government office today to get my daughter’s community certificate. Government officials, oh my—have laid-back casual approach. There are computers on their tables but their approach is slow and lethargic. I laid the application form on the table. The official was simply gossiping for hours to someone. Their approach to providing efficient service somehow shows symptoms of laziness, indolence and sheer disregard. At last after waiting for hours I got the form done. This kind of attitude is typical in government offices in India.

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Narratives

Today was a fast grind. Ran about like a hare getting documentations ready for my daughter to join Medical School. Thought a lot about literature while I was traveling. I am fond of Asemic writing but I don’t have a calligraphic pen. In fact my signature is one of Asemic writing. It’s a pictorial hieroglyphic. The weather today was sunny and bright and smiling. Till yesterday it was raining mad. I am so fond of Kerala’s monsoon. To see birds drenched in the rain is a poetic lullaby. I am feeling much happier with myself. I stopped reading astrology columns. They make the wind go wayward and anxious. I live for the day contented with myself. I miss my son who is admitted in an autistic boarding school. God, I miss him so much. I am always thinking of bringing him back. Yes, I m so fond of him. Started reading the Bible—the version called the message. When I think of it as literature I think the fall of man is an allegory. But then spirituality leaves the core of meaning in the heart. I am so happy that I am living in the grace period of Christianity. Grace is all I need and Grace is all I care. Am I created or did I just evolve. Sometimes in dreams I have experienced the sensation of leaving my body. I try to move but I am totally numb. Life has a meaning and it is not Sartre’s nothingness. There is no Camus Sisyphus in life. Christ makes life a precious gift. Words according to Bakthin have to attain a dialogic democracy. Today I watched dragonflies in flight. They were a vulnerable mystic poem. Beauty, delicacy and art mingled together.

Letters to Nonette

Darling Nonette, It’s been years since we have met. Loneliness without you engulfs me like a dark night. Kissing you has been a poem of flowers. The nights we made erotic and passionate love remains like a sonata in my heart. Darling, I am missing you so much. I keep the dream of meeting you in person in my heart. I admire your zeal for your profession, your dedicated commitment to youth up-liftment. You are so svelte when you hold the mike. How I remember the day when I embraced you in public and kissed you in the airport. Making love to you was an erotic poem. I cherish fondly how you thrusted your thighs when I penetrated you. A caress, a whisper, a hug that’s all I need from you. I love you so much, yours dear Anand.

Dream Journal

I did not have sleeping pills yesterday as they were over. When I do not have them, I go into a dream state without sleeping. Last night I had two strange dreams, a series of recurring symbols which no dream dictionary can interpret. Let me recall those dreams. In one dream, I am with my director and his wife of my former school. I attend a prayer. Then the director bugs my phone and my wife’s phone and also my daughter’s. He gets a strange sort of pleasure in hearing the conversations. Then I get a vision of him appointing me in a prominent position in the school. I interpret the dream as follows. Job interviews have been having rough weather. So the dream carries a prophetic hope that I might succeed after a bout of defeats. My daughter preparing for her medical exams is highly stressed and she throws tantrums at my wife. My wife in turn blames me for being Godless and immoral. I call this dream in a new term—amalgamated synthesis. The dream defies Freudian concepts of displacement and condensation. The second dream that I had was a room with wire-mesh. On one side of the room was UK and on other side India. The door was open and people were walking in and out. I saw Valerie an exchange teacher from UK who had a crush on me. To my surprise, a young woman holding a child came from UK and held my hand. Then I saw the doors being closed and bolted. The young woman with the child is a mystery to me. UK is a country which has denied me Visa for being an Indian and for being brown. Does the dream symbolize an opportunity that I will travel abroad? Will the woman with the child enter my life? I don’t know. Such types of dreams with recurring motifs are examples of amalgamated synthesis.

Dialogues with the Self

Isolated, marooned, despondent, me a piece of shit. The world and its wishes smile bitterly at me. I sink in my wretched abyss disappointed. Am I schmuck of disaster, noble of countless mishaps? Forge my soul in the shit of hell. I feel like committing suicide. I see Camus waving at me and saying things will be alright. Is it my delusion or is it real? Sex is a dead prison.  When can I have the poetry of lyrical intimacy? When will sex become a poem of lyrical beauty? When will a woman become warm hearted and tender to me? When will she make me open to her orifices? Angst plagues my soul like a psychopath.My ego is so deflated. I am locked up in the asylum of defeatism.Why did you die for my sins? I need to taste the relish of Epicureanism. Why do you close all doors for me? I am carrying the cross of a wretched life. Sometimes I wish to be shed of life and be a still-life statue. Devil, you are a mocking penis. Why can’t covetousness be a virtue? The world of values is a carnival. When will the rites of ecstasy shed her lady luck on me? Me a being? Amazing! Metaphysics is a pile of muddy water. Transcendence is a hyperbolic cunt. Dissolve the consciousness that is in my body. Sodomize it with a poem of beauty. Bitch wife, I have so much love to give and yet you don’t want an iota of it. Bitch wife, you have made me sick in the mind. My soul is a whimsical butterfly. Eros is tranquilized death. Bitch wife, all I want is a caress, a kiss, a hug and you fucking bitch you deny it. I have stopped reading astrology. Karma is warped in the neurons of an angstual plague. You fucker be kind to yourself. Give your heart the freedom to love. Don’t blow your soul to smithereens of existential shit. Nirvana, I have found you perched on wings. When the present is bleak, how can I anticipate a bright future? What a joy can sex bring? I long for you darling. Yet you are so far away. When can we make love like the old times? Passion is the ocean of ecstasy. When can I resurrect my body with sex?  If I was in your place, I would have been tempted by the devil. My wife is a slut of boredom. Every day the bitch kneels and cries before you. God you have denied me so much in life.

Epiphanies of a Torn Galaxy

Money and Fame in an Acrostic.
M—Music
O—Of
N—Necessity
E— Earth’s
Y—Yoke

F—Finding
A—About
M –Mysterious
E—Eccentricity

Epiphany
Saw a yellow winged fairy floating in the air, dancing in psychedelic delight, showing off a magnificent opera of flight…dazzling me with a catharsis of sound echoing in colors, tuning into my mirth, a joyful song of love, a brilliant fusion of music, a soul of jazz, an epic poem, a beauty of passion, a nirvana so tranquil.
Saw flames of fire like tongues of music …they were swaying like many letters of the alphabet…I cast my eyes like a seer on them …I am drowned in their rich lyrical intimacy…they evoke in me a passionate ecstasy…is God devout speaking through the flames…the flames are a prophet of light …a diviner’s objet d’ art….

Dawn
Dawn opened her colored veils—
The sun is echoing a dream. The sky is a poetic Metaphor; clouds are melodious lakes—there, a crater is opening—
Lava is pouring crimson—Bards are gliding
Gently as Aesthetic sculptures—
I am a poet at heart; I am a bard of lyric’s
soul.

Dusk’s a floating Opera …orange hues
are soaked petals and linger as a
painter scattering a hazy abstract…
Time’s music of mediation…I am fond of Nature …It’s a metaphor of solitude…
My lover for her awakens like a dove…
Would have loved an evening with her…
Love echoes the evening as a poem …

Beloved
Darling dear beloved …you are love’s passionate echo….let me embrace
you with the sweet nectar of love….
Let me kiss your lips with a lover’s passion….I love you so much, so much as the night’s lovely star …You have become so fond to me…..Be my beloved for the rest of my life.

Dawn
They sky, a delicious poem of colors …
Art’s a spread carpet…chirp chirp, tweet, tweet goes the bards chorusing…morn’s fonts glisten the sky as aesthetic abstracts…
Feelings now are a fruit of joy…she woke me up with sweet words on Skype …morn caresses the soul as beatitude of music …
A poet tunes to the music of morn….writing its lullaby as poetic verses…

Dusk
The sky’s lit oranges …birds float in the sky
as a romantic poem…clouds are a jazz of abstract sculpture …the aroma of dusk
lingers as colorful light…sweet breeze kisses
my cheeks like Buddha in mediation…the sky is breaking into streams, valleys
and hills…I am floating in a dream ….
My eyes melt with joy ….I am sedated in art…Sunset, an ode to a joyful music…
lyrics of the sky live in the textures of love …..

Moon
White ball radiant with mysteries of mystic space…a memory of love emanates from her bosom…she scatters light amongst shadows pale shadows glistening…
she embraces the dark of the sky
as light’s séance of pulchritude …there’s music on her belly …veins of eclectic jazz,
I begin my dark ritual… witches dance in my head like Ghosts from a sunken grave…
a petal on wings strays across the lonely Sky…she echoes dreams from a distant past…ancestors awake from graves and
pour blessings of mirth…clouds glisten with the nectar of light …light falls on trees and fall in pathos of solitude ….I am fading into a dream….a sweet lullaby puts me to sleep.

Moon
Moon’s out …She’s is a lip…Lying scattered
Amongst pink clouds…The sun is fading
A soft idyllic angel…Night appears like
Lover waiting to Bed the nest of ecstasy …
The moon, now echoing a shadow to my thoughts…Still life, beauty is a poem scattered on the sky.

Morn
Art painted the sky/In impressionistic colors I/Have fallen in love/
Dream
She made love to me/in a dream; dear beloved why/did you forsake me/
Morn
Clouds of poems woke/A dream up; soul chimes a song/A catharsis felt/

Morn
Morn woke up adorned/A coat of colors; birds sang like/Bards, a poem’s beauty/

Dawn
Dawn bloomed like a rose/Making the mind to Catharsis/the soul is delighted/

Abstract

The clouds like stained glass/A portrait of nature, ambience/Echo poetic music/

Feelings
My soul burst a cloud/Torrents of rain poured as an/Earth streaming happiness/

Dusk
Evening sky—Stained glass—Like a pale dream—Poetry waltzes On wings as Ballet dancers—Sky opened to me Like a body of a woman—My thoughts are Veiled with the
Colors of the sky—I dream of Bali—
I dream of her love—Want to be nourished—Clouds part as a guitar—
There now, a fierce –Dragon is spitting fire—the sky a song of music to me now.

The Raven
You black poem—you enchanting mystery—saw you with beak open—
Have you tidings for me—you death’s enigma—you fed Elijah in the desert—
My thoughts on you—focused as a poem—
You bring solitude to my hazy broken heart—you are my sunshine in
My darkest winter—you bring out the
Devil of passion in me—Let me pour out
Heart’s angst –Take me to my grave with hearty mirth.

Pussy-Wave
Pussy-wave is an idiomatic metaphor for pacifism, nonviolence and dialogism. Nations should shed spread their fangs of fanaticism and ideologies and should engage in creative dialogism. World should strip war and embrace peace. Religions divide people, politics separate people but the world is one, a great pussy-wave.

 

Rap

Rap music is rhythmic poetry…the beat is Dionysian …music is words in the sex of being …the heart and soul of Rap is black. Rap music heals the colonized and the subjugated wounds of the white oppressors. It’s an expression of angst of the heart. The wounds from the heart flow were melodious poetry. Rap and Jazz are Derrida-Dada-Ised into an art of the novel that is pop-baroque and cubist. Derrida-Dada is an avant-garde style of writings. Tropes are cathartic symphonies. Melodies rapture in words. Time transcends to a trope of cathartic pulchritude. Rhythm and beat, harmony and melody become fictional modes of writing in streams of consciousness.

Morn
Morn woke me with a delicious array of colors. The musical sounds of bards tweet, tweet, chirp, chirp, evoked a Beethoven of cathartic harmony. Morning is a metaphor of happiness. There goes the poets’ prancing in the sky. The sun rose up as a flaming ball of fire. The sun is a mystic seer, a beautiful ornament, a metaphor of luminescence…Poetry incarnates in the soul of the body. Love becomes a song of the mind.

Rain
It poured as the pounding of the hooves of a horse. Pink panties streaked across the sky. The bums of Zeus roared angrily. The earth, wet now, a drenched pussy. A phallus has penetrated the earth and made her wet metaphor of becoming. I am watching the rain like a silent seer. Rain’s rhythms of music are cellos of a mystic. Rain now, pouring and pouring and illuminating my heart.

Pharaoh’s Dream
In the Old Testament we come across Pharaoh who had a dream of seven robust bovines after which seven famished bovines came and ate them up. In the second dream, seven stalks of plump grain were seen after which seven stalks malnourished grain came and ate up the plump grain. As an idiom Pharaoh’s dream means the inability to interpret a dream.
Example: Pharaoh’s dream occurs to most people.

Joseph
Joseph is found in the Old Testament and he refers as idiom to being a successful dream interpreter, a person with moral scruples and person who comes across fortune and position after a time of hardship.
Example: As far as dreams are concerned Freud was a Joseph.
There are at least few people in the world who are Josephs.
If a Joseph happens to me , I am lucky.

Dash Dash Dash Person
A dash dash dash person comes from the Malayalam language and it means a vulgar and despicable person.
Example: He is a dash dash dash person.

Rebecca
Rebecca’s story is found in the Old Testament. She was the wife of Jacob and she overheard the conversation of Jacob telling Esau the eldest son to fetch some good game so that he can to satisfaction and bless him. Rebecca loved Isaac the younger son more. And she asked him to fetch a young goat and cooked it and covered Jacob’s hands with goat’s hair as his father was blind. Jacob ate pleasingly and blessed Isaac. As an idiom Rebecca means a conspiracy.
Example: The 1$ Bill has symbols which point out to a Rebecca.
Cults like the Illuminati, Masons and Bilderberger are Rebeccas of the society.
I am a Rebecca lover.

Black Hole
We all know that a Black Hole is a collapsed remnant of a Star. It’s so dense that even light gets sucked into it. As an idiom it means a depressing situation from which there is no escape.
Example: I don’t want a black hole to happen to me.
The Jews had a Black Hole of a time under the Nazi regime.

Lot’s Daughter
Well all know the story of Lot found in the Old Testament. Lot was Abraham’s nephew. There’s an incident where Lot’s daughters make him drunk and sleep with him in order to get progeny. As an Idiom Lot’s Daughter means incest.
Example: Lot’s Daughter is a taboo in contemporary society.
Lot’s Daughter rarely happens in society.

Pond
Pond is an idiom in Malayalam language and it means messing things up.
Example: Don’t make a pond out of it.
Some people are always making ponds.
Work
Work too is an idiom in Malayalam language and it means a situation where things don’t work properly.
Example: My computer is giving me work.
The car even after being repaired is giving work.

Quarks
Quarks are tiny, tiny particles which form the building blocks of matter. As an idiom Quarks mean: a trifle.
Example: Don’t unsettle your mind with Quarks.
I treated my denial of job in Cambodia as a Quark.

Wavicles
Light consists of waves and particles called wavicles. A Wavicle as an idiom means a surprising, fortunate happening.
Example: When will a Wavicle happen to me?
I will be thrilled if a Wavicle happens to me.

Hot Turkey
Hot Turkey as an idiom means experiencing altered states of consciousness while using drugs.
Example: Hot Turkey is an interesting phenomenon to experience.
After the Hot Turkey wears off, one comes back to reality.

Dopamined
We all know that Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that’s triggers adrenaline. As an idiom it means a force which triggers something.

My body is a brothel of desire. My libido is passionate angel on wings. My mind is a butterfly, a psyche dancing gaily on wings. My feelings are strong rocks of desire. I get saturated when I make love. Love is a passionate aroma, a delicious food. Eroticism is streams of consciousness of a lover. How I long for a kiss and a caress. My wife is totally devoid of love. She has no feelings for me. Yes, I have passionate lover in Bali. How much I long to marry her. I need to visit Bali to see her. I want to utter the song of love on her lips. I want to melt my tongue on her lips and ecstasy her as poetry. Sweet is the poetry of love. Love brings out the poet in me. We are passionate, lyrical and intimate as humans. Oh passion when will you yield to me? When will the harness of abstinence break? When will the chains of my body become an erotic poem? I echo a dream. I am so fond of her, the Balinese woman. When will the rigorous monotony of teaching in a school for a paltry salary end. When can I devote all my days for writing? I long to experience altered states of consciousness with sex, drugs and booze. Consciousness is a flower that blooms. Passion is poetic art. Making love is the consciousness of philosophy in the ritual of making art. I am a body in trouble and pain. I feel so unloved. My wife goes to sleep as a corpse. For her, the fellatio is something dirty. When I be able to satisfy the needs of my body?

Consciousness is an epic river of flowing passion. All philosophers start from the assumption of consciousness but what is consciousness? Is it an art of a poem? Is it the archetype of the soul? Is it a being formed by the collision of atoms? The art of consciousness lies in the exercise of the mind. How can we make consciousness to live in a plethora of art? Writing begins in the art of passion. Writing is a refuge of the soul. Writing is an expression of the libido of the body. Writing frees the body from the shackles of conditioning. What is soul? Is it a poem? From where do we get our conscience? Writing is experiential literature, a form of poetic prose, a diction of tropes, a mosaic of the soul, a deconstruction of forms and genres, a mirror stage of eloquence, a gamble of the mind with words, a syncretic beatitude, a stoic ornament, a decorative hyperbole, a consciousness of beauty. Writing is cubist art, a pastiche of the baroque, a romanticism of irony, a postmodernism of structural tropes. The writer lives his life in art. Writing is the consolation for unsatisfied wishes. Writing is fornication of the pen and adultery of words. Through writing, a writer becomes a rainbow. Sweet are the melody of words, ecstasy is the rhythm of letters. In writing feelings pour out into a beatitude. Writing melodies the art of reflections. Writing is a phallus of art and a cunt of interpretation. My pen becomes a Don Quixote. Writing is a melody of words. The passionate soul loves and lives in the existentialism of words. When can we break free from Camus Myth of the Sisyphus? We can do so by authenticating creativity. We must avoid suicide by all means. We must become a becoming of being. We must be able to transcend race, nationality and culture. My writing is a labial vagina. I have freed the language from Logo-centric discourse. I have made my writing a dialogical vagina. My pen is circumcised into libidinal passion. I am blind to passion and sensitive to reason. That makes my soul a beautiful being. Irony is a literary device that expresses the beauty of being shackled in a cage and yet being able to express ironic freedom. Irony is a metallic bird with wings of frozen glass, ambling in the mind as chaotic anarchy turning the bizarre into a beautiful solitude of cognition. Irony is narcissism of a poisonous sentiment. How do we unveil a writer’s epiphany? An understanding of an epiphany lies in three shades of meaning. At the first level, the meaning is semantic and literal. At the second level there is the consciousness of sentiment and at the third level there is catharsis which I call rapturation of being. Rapturation of being is the highest level of consciousness that being can attain. Through rapturation of being one becomes a soul of love, one becomes a divine object. One experiences a mytho-poetic subjectivity. Art is the essence of life, the gift of passion, the beatitude of poetry. Through art one can transcend the genre of the self. Art is dawn soaked into the beatitude of colors. Art is a conjectural mystery? Art is an idol that we can worship. We can satisfy the meaning of life by the appreciation of beauty. The bitch of sensation is celestialized an angst is resolved into a poetic catharsis. Emotions you have to be gratified in the sensuality of intimacy and passion. Eros is orgasm. Passion makes the soul to live in a brook. Angst is a metaphoric divinity. The plague of angst deprives the soul and narco-piates the body into a frozen relic. Angst is the betrayal of paradise and the feeling of being cast down into hell. Angst has engulfed me like a plague; it metamorphizes my body into Kafkaesque insect. The joyful realism of Hemingway is a karma of the novel. Experiential consciousness has angst to bear …the being becomes poisoned into an Epicurean misfit. Romantic irony, you parody consciousness. When will I able to experience the love of the bed. My wife is a poisonous rose. Sex is a stale metaphor for her. Sometimes, I feel like strangling her along with my bitch mother. I am a writer carrying a hatred for my mother. I work in her school and she does not pay me any salary. She gives me a paltry sum of three dollars every day. I have to meet all my expenses with that. The cunt of a wife threatens me that she will take me to the asylum if I drink. She has done that thrice. The bitch does not even know to make love. How I long to have a quiet drink, relax and writer. The bitch never hugs, caresses or kisses me. I am forced to seek other women for love. I am tender, vulnerable and intimate. My wife trashes my writing as shit. My writing if a shit-hole is opulent art. Arranged marriages stink of a fuck. Arranged marriages are a shit-hole. I like stupid schmuck laid my bloody head and tied the knot. My father was sunk deep in debt and we did not even have a honey moon. Emptying my sperm into her cunt was stale death. She does not do the cunnilingus nor allows me to do the fellatio. All my fucking 47 years of married life, my fucking wife has not been able to have a single orgasm. My fucking wife, a Jesus freak, think she is a saint of God. All fucking nights she prays in tongues and cries in tears. My marriage has been a miserable failure. My marriage makes me tear dust. It makes me curse the sun and moon and God if there’s one. I have so much hatred for my mother and my wife. I curse my father for arranging this marriage.

Narratives of Anu
Anu is my sweet adulterous lover. We met on a dating site. She belongs to Cochin and is from a conservative family. On one Sunday she arranged a rendezvous in her house when her husband was out. I had to wait in a park near her house for a long time. Finally she phoned me. And I knocked, trembling. She opened the door. She wore a red see-through gown through which I could see her pink panties and her pink bra. I felt so much aroused. She told me to have a bath and I closed the bathroom and showered: when I came out: she was lying naked on the bed. Her skin shined like wheat. I went close to her and smelled her: her body smelled like grapes. I kissed her everywhere. Her tongue on mine was a delicacy. I felt for her soft breasts, suckled her nipples with poetic relish. Then I reached for her pubis and I inserted my tongue in her vagina and started sucking her like a playing the flute. I gave her many orgasms. I loved to hear her meaning in ecstasy. By the time I was a rock and I penetrated her deeply. I thrust in her like a mad locomotive. I emptied all my poetry in her. We made love many times. Darling Anu, I love you very much. I thank you so much for the gift of poetry you have given me.
Indonesian Memoirs
I was in Indonesia in 2005, living in Jakarta and Surabaya, working as a teacher. Indonesia is a mix of the East and the West. I relish the clove cigarettes, the grilled fish, the sambal and bebek (duck). If you walk on the road in the night, you can see many prostitutes hanging out. I always felt tempted. But my Christian Protestantism kept me away. I also had a beautiful maid in my apartment. I wanted to fuck her badly. Yet I abstained. There were many of my colleagues, teachers, married and unmarried ones. I could have easily fucked one of them. Yet I did not. I do not know why? I badly needed a fuck at that time. Evenings and nights, I would spend in Varungs (eat-out-shops-on-the-road), drunk, listening to the rhythms of Jazz. Grilled fish is a delicacy in Indonesia. Indonesian fish is available nowhere in the world. I had beautiful time in Indonesia. Indian Jazz and Rock are popular brands of music. Indonesia evolved the writer in me. There was a colleague of mine: Shanti who sold me a computer. She invited me to lunch in her home. When I came to her home, her husband left. Straight away she took me to the bedroom. She started fondling my hands. I like a fucker did not pick the cues. I could have easily fucked her. But I did not. I had dinner and Ieft the place. A strange and psychic incident happened to me. I was asked by the Principal of the school to go and visit the director of communications for the UN in Jakarta for the school day celebrations. I went to his office and had to wait for a while to see him. Soon, I was ushered into his office by his secretary. On his table I witnessed the strangest thing. It was an African, Shamanic, Voodoo doll. The doll had the strangest, mystic and occult experience on her face. The doll’s face was sly mockery. The doll continues to haunt me in my dreams. Yes, truth is stranger than fiction. Once I was in an internet café which had apartments above. A sexy woman came close to me and brushed my body and then looked at me with a smile and went up. I like a fool did not realize that she wanted to have poetry with me. There goes a failed attempt. At that time I had a significant other, a Filipino woman much older than me. I used to fantasize her as a mother-figure. I sent her the airfare to visit me in Jakarta. I was fully boozed when I met her at the airport. We took a cab. All the way while the cab was moving I kissed her. She was whimpering and moaning with passion. Later on we checked into a hotel. We showered together. I drank a bottle of Vodka. Making love to her was like passionate music. We lay on each other like serpents inter-twined. Her pussy was small and tight. I did the cunnilingus on her. She giggled and moaned in delight. I sodomized her behind with my tongue while stroking her cunt. How she loved it. I came in her delicious cunt many times. Oh sweet was the odyssey of passion and it lasted for two long days. I left her back at the airport as a contented person. I would also like to recall another strange thing which happened to me. The school where I was teaching was hosting a party. Drinks were served in plenty. I became completely boozed up. Then in front of the crowd I started sobbing like a child. I completely broke down. The principal of the school came close to me and hugged me. I was stunned and I have no words to express how I felt. I felt that my father was returning to my life. I still don’t know why I broke down in public. I am so grateful to him and consider him in awe; I consider him to be like a father figure. Soon holidays came and I booked a ticket for home. My flight was scheduled for early morning. In the night I became totally drunk. Thanks to my significant other, she gave me a ring very early in the morning and I was not able to miss my flight. Sweet are the experiences of Indonesia for me. I remember them nostalgically. Life has taught me many experiences in Indonesia. My soul, mind and body became a liberated being.
Malaysian Episodes
My Malaysian episodes are related my significant other. While travelling to Malaysia, I took a midnight flight. I was able to meet my significant other and Mr. Lee in the airport. The drive to the Hotel was a long one. During the drive I encountered a dead cow with its skull smashed to smithereens. Later we came to the hotel. Mr. Lee was in a state of confusion as to whether he should pull me to his room or hers. She with an urgent tug of my arm pulled me into her room. She is such a clean thing. She washes her pussy with tooth lotion. Straight away we undressed and became flowers of kisses. I bloomed her sacred petals to many ecstasies of poetry. She was so conscious of getting pregnant and washed her cunt thoroughly after intercourse. We visited the twin towers and it was an awesome site. The towers lay like gigantic phalluses. The twin towers are rich in Masonic symbolism. Felt my adrenaline rush, when I climbed on the speed-lift which took me right to the top. Watching vehicles and people moving on the road was like watching ants crawl. Felt awed by the rich architecture of space. Later on went back to the hotel again made love. Her cunt was tight and my penis insertion was gorgeous. My single say with her was a passionate experience. I became a soul of a poem. For dinner we went to Korean restaurant. Beef was served on aromatic leaves wrapped cozily.

Dusk
Dusk is awakening like streams of consciousness. A poem of orange has lit the sky. Light seeps into the room with mystic passion. Angels are floating in the sky. Light is an opera lit on the stage of luminescence. I am caught up in a song of poetry. Love pervades my soul. Evening is an aesthetic sculpture. Evening is a music of colors. I watch the sun hide behind a veil of clouds.

Psyche
I watch psyche ballet on wings of brown; she floats gently as an idyllic poem; there’s a depth of the soul, a beauty of literature in her. I saw her when I was thinking of my trip to Bali to meet my beloved. Perhaps she will get me a windfall. When I am in joy, I am not in irony. I get a passion of the small things in life. I am no sex-beast; I am an intimate human, sensitive, vulnerable and lyrical. There she is now perched on the wall like a soul in sleep. Psyche brings out the beauty in me. I am in lyrical harmony, in inner solitude. Nature is the most precious gift that God offers. Her life though short-lived, she offers the human an ode of joy. The spirit is moved to incarnations of ethereal beauty. She is gorgeous melancholy. Yes, watching her all my worldly desires plunge into the sea. I feel so emotionally gratified. She lifts my soul from the abyss of angst. The ego melts as ink. Art is processual ontology where the being transforms from being to Un-being. Art is a philosophy of life.

Failed Meta-Narratives
Communism, Nazism, Fascism and now Jihadism are all grand narratives that have shackled, and have caused much pain and suffering, anguish and death to humans. What caused these grand writers to originate? The Stalinist purges in Russia are a reminder of human cruelty to be a gulag of poison. Marx anticipated the coming of an egalitarian society. But contemporary societies are veering to capitalism. Workers are not poor people in rich capitalist countries. What caused Hitler with his grand narrative of the supremacy of the Aryan race and the persecution of the Jews? Hatred is a phallic complex in psychoanalytic language. Hatred for the other is psychosis of culture. Yes, Hitler’s phallic hatred for his father is a root problem. Mussolini is another figure of hatred and vendetta. Are the cruel terms imposed by the treaty of Versailles adding a fuel to fire and people accept dictatorships. Another ugly fang in this contemporary world is Jihadism. Jihadis are poisoning the Middle East. They also indulge in violence in Western democracies. Jihadis have a violent father figure who promises treasures in heaven for their atrocious deeds on earth. When will the world become democracies of peace and dialogues? When will the greed to accumulate and make arms end? When will a just, peaceful and egalitarian society be established? These are not utopian ideals but a tangible reality.

A Writer
When someone asks me what my profession is, I am ashamed to say that I am a writer. I am content to say that I am teacher by profession. Should I writer be commercially accomplished. I am not fond of who-done-its, thrillers, crime and science fiction. Writing for me is searching the heart and manipulating the mind into an art of existence. Tropes fascinate me so much. Tropes are engineered by the genius of creativity. Yes, metaphors and metonymies make a novel an aesthetic artifact. Writing philosophical fiction is a passion for me. Philosophers are estheticians.

Some Hyperboles
I am an exaggerated novel. Contemplation of beauty is to be God. Sin was cleansed by the blood on the cross. Gratify the ID, deify the Ego and subvert the Super Ego and that’s a postmodern philosophy of Epicurean life. One has to subvert the super ego to a creative anarchy. A poem is a ritual of God. Sexual minorities—the state needs to anesthetize you in a ritual of existence. Philosophy is madness of passion and harmony of reason. When will my individuality triumph? Soul, you are a brook of joy. Lust is a yielding temptation. Sin, you have been forgiven the moment you are done. My mind is a cloud of frozen intellect. Sade, you are music murdering a person. Libido is an eclectic butterfly of tropes. Time is an electric sausage copulating with the metaphors of lust. My soul is freedom’s passion.

Hindutva in India
With the landslide winning of the BJP in India Hindutva is rearing its ugly tentacles. BJP wants to saffronize India into a Hindu country. The cow for them is a Holy God. The BJP is persecuting minorities. Christians and Muslims suffer the brunt. BJP is following an oppressive politics. Is Hinduism a religion of tolerance? The answer to it is a big no in Modern India. Christians and Muslims are regarded as second grade citizens. I can’t be a Hindu as I don’t worship idols. How can God be anthropo-zoomorphic? Our ridiculous Prime Minister claims that plastic surgery was practiced in ancient India. How can I sprinkle incense before an idol? Hinduism in modern India is a degraded commodity. Its poisonous teeth extinguish Muslims and Christians. The Prime Minister of India is a Hindu fundamentalist. Be a man and read the Bible. Hinduism has 33 million idol Gods. The RSS the militant wing of the BJP is on a warpath against Christians and Muslims. Even if my head is beheaded, I won’t worship an idol God.

 

Talmud Junkie

The sky lay like textures of a dark vulva colored with the fornication of the dark. I stumble drunk and throw a wooden pentagram and it lies broken with me, quivering me with thoughts of sodomy. Not one bird is echoing a lonely call. All are settled like prostitutes who have been given their wages, settled in their nests with their waste land clients.

I have to swallow the terrible silence of the night. My body feels deprived of earthly flesh. Yes I am fleshy, carnal and expressive. Though I am indulging in the sin of carnality as a deadly knowing vice, yet I am not satiated. I have no money to devour cheap rum of intoxication. I have no cash (money and honey, no money no honey) to devour the torment of sex into voyeurism of prostitutionalized orgy.

Art exposes the nudity of a cracked mirror and a shattered beer mug. I feel my thoughts to be the amalgam of an absurd universe. I feel brothelized by the window of emptiness. I feel the stink of puke and the stench of feces emanating from the broken commode of a clogged bathroom.
I dream of my college lover; she has left me and left her life in an accident. I have tried ouija boarding with her. But her ghost never appears to me. I wish she would haunt me in my dreams, prick my genitals through a séance of bitchiness. I am still feeling passionate about her, the raw meat of her sensual lips, the kissy sweetness of her tongue. How sunny I felt when I fondled her flowery panties. She stopped me there and would allow me to go no further. I wonder why her ghost is adamant to my feelings, wants and wishes. I wonder why I want to scatter my thoughts about her with the scum of cum.
If ambrosia is the nectar of Greek pagan gods for immortality, it can at least be nectarized by the pagans, the heathen, the renegades, the apostates as a panacea of immortalized–immorality. Art has a problem beatitude; every taboo has been transgressed; watching porn is watching a romantic comedy. Taboo has become cliched and transgressions trite, common place everydayness of things; what can be redeemed in Art? Hyperboreanism is nullification. Nihilism is dead. From Thanotos to Thanotos, Eros rebels in the hell of Lucifer. Her shouts are comic psalms viable to be written down as Nirvana watching a blue stocking pull up. Orgasm has pinnacled over kundalini and catharsis and the shakti OM and the blessed hallelujah and orgasm is the very thought, a transgressional structure of over writing, a cross over, a cross symbolism over the word —-to cross. What still emerges is an epiphany, a soluble mammary breast of transgressing tropes.
It rained; spit was onamatopoezing as spit, spit, spit; My teenage was shibbolethized to pout the scripture with awe, reverence and worship.Thus I reminiscence: ” The Lord is my Shepherd”. As I have grown older catechism has been replaced by the veneration of lips—-meta-pussying.I have graced into many pastures as a loving Shepherd. I have observed how the heathen, fleshy pastures churn their soiled juices on my tongue; oh how fruity, meaty and fleshy were them. Oh how the after taste lingers in me like wine pressed from the wine yard.
I found her so unresponsive as a corpse. She was barren as a desert of sexual energy. There were no loving words of companionship no sexual talk. I had to force her to remove her clothing. She would not touch me anywhere. I felt for her breasts, they were voluminous with ripe black nipples. She brushed off my hands with a manna of disgust. I tried to reach out to her soft labyrinth, her labials. She removed my head. I wanted to taste her and give her an orgasm. I tried mounting on her as missionary. With a lot of effort I was able to insert myself into her vagina. First I thrust-ed slowly, then I rammed into her. She told me to stop. I felt so neglected. For her sex is so dirty. I have been living with her for many years and I hate it.
It rained, a mystical outpouring, an epiphany of poetry, like a women’s body outpouring in menstruation; the pads were the earth absorbing the pale blood of fecundity.
She was in late fifties; she was a radical explorer of sex; I found her thanks be to the web; we had so many discussions especially on the art of poetry which we both were fond off. How I remember the way she took me to the bathroom and removed my clothes and scrubbed my body with soap and how we had a sensual bath together. Later on we had a couple of drinks—Chivas Regal and it aroused in us the poetry of hornyness. Though she was old, there was not a blemish or wrinkle on her body; her skin glistened like a baby’s cheek. We embraced each other and shared a kiss which lasted for ages. How sweet it was to taste her liqueur of her tongue. Her breasts were small but she has unusually large nipples. The nipples were risen and taut. I sucked and nibbled her nipples. She kept moaning and mumbling a gibberish of passion. She kneeled on the bed and told me to place my mouth inside her butt. Being drunk, I did it with inebriated relish. I jutted my tongue into the opening of her anus and started to do the analingus. I found her meaty flesh, fresh from the fragrance of bath, tasty. I devoured her butt with eager vitality. While eating her butt, I also inserted my finger into her cunt and started stroking it like a violinist on the cello. Her moaning became louder, more intense, and with animal grunting, she came to an orgasm. But she wanted me again and urged me. “Please enter me with your dick and fuck me hard.” I took the position of a missionary. She with her thighs spread apart like a mountain, received me. Her pussy was very tight and I found it difficult to enter. She took my penis with her fingers and inserted it into her vagina. I thrust-ed with great vigor and she returned my thrust with greater force. With every thrust that I made, she would lift her buttocks upwards and thrust back at me. In these moments of intensity I experienced beauty, passion and art. My soul was lit up with a phenomenology of liquid arabesque. Yes I could feel her vagina becoming wetter and wetter like dew on the carpet of grass. Every penetration she shouted at me hoarsely. “Fuck me harder. Fuck me harder”. At last she started sobbing with happiness. I poured my lava fully into her sacred pussy. We lay in each other’s arms and drifted off to sleep.
I think of her; I dream her; she is Anu; she is a widow in her early forties. She is perfumed with the color of wheatish skin. How much I adore her! How much I wish to have sex with her. I don’t know oh God how to convey my desire. Yes, once she allowed me to brush against her buttocks. I am in a quandary to understand whether her wish is real or not. Yes, I ache very much for her body. How do I obtain her? Yes there is Lord Lucifer, the God of all transgressions. Anita, darling how I wish I could suckle your autumn ripe breasts! How I wish I could pelt my lips on your tender pussy. How I wish I could give you multiple orgasms. How I wish I could like her buttocks and stroke her pleasurable pussy. Oh Anita my darling yield to me.
The sky is curled in orange hues; the evening’s mask of the sun relaxed in an idyll outing; I wish I could pick the hues of orange and feast it as a fruit of lover’s body; I wish I could copulate with the evanescence now disappearing into the dark brothel of the night. The painting of an experience in art is the music, lying in my dream as an orgasmic sigh……a guttural moan that oozes out of a woman’s mouth when she comes……
How prodigal and reckless should I become for the art of the Novel to emerge in the Philosophy of writing. One has to transcend one’s race, culture, religion all the transcendental –signifieds, dump them as Andre Breton picking crumpled paper and writing poetry out of random words. How I wish I could spread words of the Novel on paper, like Jackson Pollock spreading paint on the canvas and painting the autumn rhythm. The writing resembles automatic writing of Breton and action painting of Pollock. Yes, I have been exiled by my GOD and Country to produce the absurd of a surreal life a melting clock in existential hanging. Dali I owe you the Christian apologetics for that. Art is the being’s intifadic tourney to a mental desert. To pick from it in orgies and drunkenness, leitmotifs of body in sacred adultery and fornication of intimacy, to experience nausea with one’s own puke, shit and body fluids, to nirvanaolgize into poems where chthonicity is a libido of transgressions, an anomie of epiphany, a catharsis of transubstantiation, where the sublime is charismatic as a profane, violated, decadent, but yet experienced as crazy art and as the intimacy of being sanctified.
According to Prof. Foucault there is no madness and he means madness as an alienation of a bourgeoisie society. I agree to Foucault in totality and I have to recall to my mind the harsh treatment I was meted out in an asylum run by the Catholic Sisters—-who I call as archetypes of a virgin-whore complex. They are virgins for the Holy Mother Mary and whores for Christ. How they predate and infiltrated me with woebegone Catholic ideology. The whore –virgin complex, the bloody sisterhood of Catholicism force all inmates to attend prayer and service. The fucking whores would read eulogies praising Mother and Virgin Mary and how they plead to her in absolute piety. I wonder of those bloody fucking statues of Mary can fucking weep or fucking listen. These are fucking nuns who rat-hole us in the asylum, cutting us off from all outside communication. There is no internet, no telephone, there’s only a lunatic box which the inmates keep fiddling on to listen to soap channels. Any person with sanity, with just a little intelligence and a little ego would have it battered by these virgin whores. These virgin whores would force the inmates to wear a rosary? What the fuck can a rosary do? Does it fucking cleanse your sin? After the prayers are over the Catholic inmates would give the holy handshake only to themselves. The Catholics are religious racists. I think Catholics stand for brainwashing people and for making money. Yes, the whole institutionalized Catholicism is fucking business. In the asylum, the virgin-whore Sisters would employ sturdy, macho male nurses who will abuse the inmates verbally and physically if they show slightest protest. It’s not a mystery to assume that these virgin whores might be fucking them. Most of these male nurses are uneducated, illiterate and arrogant. They think themselves as Psychiatrists. The psychiatrists are also Catholic Jesus Freaks who when doing duty rounds ask minimal questions like: “how are you?” If we ask him or her, when we will be discharged, they will just nod their heads. There is no personalized counseling in the fucking institution. My experience in this shit-hole makes me hate all Catholic ideology. You bloody nuns having the virgin whore complex—How I would love to hang you up on crosses, lift your frocks and flog your buttocks like Marquis de Sade. What pleasure I would get when you scream in pain. I would then love to masturbate and force you to do the fucking benediction and then laugh in glee and bite your fucking buttocks.
My father figure has been a confusing one. He was a potpourri of being a totalitarian and also a libertarian. I wonder why he became a communist party worker, yet remained tenacious as a diehard preacher Christian—and more puzzling is the fact that he created a capitalist institution, where the workers and owners slog like dogs and earn peanuts. More amazing is the fact that he also became a Hindu too and went for a pilgrimage to Ayappa’s temple in Sabrimala. He became attached to the cult of the Mother Goddess which remained with him throughout his life. Later when he was about to die, he requested his children to bury him next to his mother. A colleague of his told me that he wanted to give his body to his mother who wombed it. What a manifestation of infantile Oedipus complex. Is he a Freudian Child in one sense, a Marxian adolescent in another and a spiritually immature Christian in a different manner and last but not least a Capitalist who tried and failed to make an American dream come true. My father is not a melting pot but a broken pot of a failed American Dream.
The wicker lamps from the Mother Goddess temple were glowing ebulliently; their lustrous glow resembled a finished portrait of a multitude of women showing their cunts; an erect phallus of stone lay at the center of the glowing lamps. The Priestess menstruated on the phallus draping her juices as a liquid petal of roses.
Bloom asked her gently by squeezing her oversized melons; she spread her legs wide offering him entry. She remained cold, indifferent and frigid to his blissful penetrations; at last with a loud knock, he came surging; she rolled over in disgust and lay snoring in sleep. Bloom became depressed and confessional for the Churches he prayed and lustful again for the whores that he had.
Orientation is eroto-heterogenous; that’s why I love straight sex and voyeuristic lesbianism. Mythopeia is a hybrid between dystopia and utopia —-a realm of Ontological being. Hedonism and Materialism are twin tenets of gospel to be enacted in the mind of experience. There is a (demon)stration. Mr. Malaprop spend a w(hole) night in the brothel farting and fucking. Meta-hiss-toricity is a metafur. What is the legion in the art of writing the novel—the legion infiltrates, penetrates and empowers the author to destabilize centers of all meaning. Identity is a contaminated psyche, a (w)rite of (w)itchy meaning. What is the con(Zeus)ness of meaning? It’s just a silly fart to Philistinize the Hellenic grandeur of meaning. There’s a presence in possession—-the devil lived—-and live evil—the Mammon Lucifer. Oh transcendental signified manifest a presence of Spirits in the signifier of the sign. I am an Indian. When it comes to India’s values— morality, purity, reverence, respect, am I happy? Am I contented? I let out a mournful sigh like a howling wolf. Parisians read old texts, decipher and decimate them to become grand intellectuals of new thinking. Existentialism advocates that you have to soak meaning with the authenticity of experience. I affirm, proclaim, liberate and celebrate my Wishes to the existence of a becoming. How I would love to soak a cunt with my tongue and lips. I am a fan of Marquis De Sade; I love him because when he was in jail, he wrote with blood when he had no pen and ink. Sartre was right when he said that a writer has to be free from commitment, institution and canon. Why was Hitler, sexually a masochist and racially a sadist? Women have gratification better with women. They know their bodies well. Indian tradition does a pathetic homicide on aesthetic iconoclasm. WOW! Indian Culture—How amazing? I am dying of it. Jesus was a Freak so are Jesus Freaks. Even though I am born into Christianity, I might die outside of it. • There is a (H) in Hell and heaven. Isn’t that an enigma? When life produced an absurd experience—-I wept, and then I laughed it off, wretched Lucifer! Anthropo-Zoomorphic Gods are so mysterious. They live as idols and are being worshiped. Atheism does not console existence—-meaning finds an irony of being alone. Indian Values—-Am stupefied by their totalitarianism. What an exaggeration to be an Indian. What an incredible humbug. I need to be pious Indian. Yes I can have begging bowl and exist in boredom. The imagery of the Tarot is a sheer gossip of archetypes, an insane, lunatic prescience. I am a sinner— I love being it. Why? How Fascinating? Do I really need forgiveness? Oh I see! If am reincarnated, the silly mumbo jumbo, I would love to be born as a swine in my next birth. Cut me Halal, cook and eat me deliciously. I wonder why Buddha never smiled after he attained enlightenment. Where is Allah? Here There. Up or down. Come on I am teasing myself. The Quran is a text that was humanly created. I wonder why texts create God. Oh Mother! Oh Amma! You are a pious charlatan. You are a darling of devotees. How strange a plot that has no mystery? Socrates proclaimed: “Know thy self” Isn’t that a metaphysical lie! Yoga—Oh my God, there’s pain in the body. I chant the mantra OM, the cosmic, ethereal sound. How deprived I feel of earthly existence. You are a woman….yes yes I penetrate you, but also love to soak you with flesh! Heaven has no air and that’s why I can’t live in it. Once a choice is exercised, the will has to exert an effort! Taboo! You are religion’s mournful whore!
Passion is more beautiful than reason. How do I Derridadainize my nativity into existential deconstruction? America is transforming from a melting pot into a racial pot. Gender and Sexuality can become subjective deconstructions of poetry. China is a paradox of Communistic coterie and free market Economics. Freud wrote his sexuality centered on the Phallus. Women are deconstructing it with labialclitoricks. Time is experientializng. The Ego cannot be transcended. Happiness is drunkenness, sex, and drugs. How to balance an existential life of subjectivity between materialism and idealism? India became free on August 14th 1947, but I am still in bondage. I have found the passions of an adulteress more tempting and more fulfilling. Morality, truth and virtue are contempt-contemporanized. If Hinduism had no idols, I would have become its devotee. If Buddhism had no middle path, I would have accepted it. If Christianity had no sin, I would have followed. Lucifer, Satan, Mammon, you deserve to be a God. The glutton is connoisseur of food, sex and wine. Eros prolongs the sexual act unlike animals in copulation. Man—the thanatos, death after an orgasm, it’s a pity that women are multi-orgasmic. My mind is a mental condom absorbing vulvic lubrications.
Freewill loses its freeness once a choice is made. A superstition crossed my path and it was a black cat. It’s difficult to be Platonic with women; of course Mothers, Sisters and Daughters are excluded. A word becomes a wish and then it has to be gratified. I don’t have enough sperm to fill a whole cunt. The sperm of literature is an ecstasy when it spills over a text. Vulvic nights and erection thunders are a literature of imagination. Passion semenizes cultures of a text. I am chanting a mystical mantra: “ohm, oh shit, ohm, oh fuck, ohm oh shit, ohm oh fuck” and then I let out a fart. He was a puddendaologist, laproscopying cunts with an erotic pen. Queer Literature is a lyrical beast. I felt a pleasure in masturbating on a holy rosary. Express the ID, Deify the Ego and Reify the Super Ego. A cunt is a mystery motion in the magic of many texts. Oh Pain, forget my body. Bums, Breasts and Cunts are holy sanctified deities. Is there a religion without a taboo? A free spirit has to live in transgressions. At times I shit with many farts and yet times I am so silent. Sometimes my shit emerges as watery crumbs and sometimes it emerges as Picasso’s cubes. Hey bugger, don’t fart when you fuck. Be polite OK. Analization—buggery, analingus and shitting is a mystical experience. Oh poetic heart, how do I drown my sexuality into a bestial orgy? The profession that I love the most is that of the Gigolo. Ontology or being is a mania to be an exorbitant state of existence. Cum realization has death. The time taken for reincarnation is another erection. Teaching virgins to do passionate poetry is an art, a sincere poetry. A hospital imprisons the body and the mind. When one is disappointed about experience, one can authenticate it with fuck and a fart. Celebrate existence as a joy— as poet does to words.
Oh Psyche, floating on the romantic seductive air—your words are on the wings of poetry. You have seduced the Earth as an angel of flight. Why have you left your charms besieged in your fragile body? Yes, you release beauty as a painting flight. You have left the forsaken body of lust and you have traveled to the air, a heaven now of imagination. Morning rose passively like a dream. The atmosphere was misty and resembled the color of sperm. The body drowns like a corpse unable to find intimacy and camaraderie. I saw the colored cock with its upturned back-feathers mounting on the hen. There was no foreplay, no intimacy, and no sexual remonstrations. There was penetration and orgasm like instant coffee. Everything was over in a second. The newspaper lay outside the gate like soiled underwear due to the slight drizzle outside. The fresh air of the morning chilled my face, sprinkling it as an offered cheek of a brazen slut witch. All the dogs are howling. Is it a sign of death, decay and decadence or is it a sign that the bitches are in heat. I took the holy rosary given to me by the fucking nuns at the asylum. I broke it with one violent tug and I sprinkled urine on its scattered beads, soaking it with the profanity of gratification. How to structuralize language and phenomenologize meaning? The philosophy of Literature at a structural level is one of metaphorization and metonomyzation. The philosophy of Phenomenological Literature is the transgression of culture, religion, race, caste, gender, orientation and above all nation to aesthediasporize existence into an art. Well here again, tropologize the cunt of an Idol, reify and temporalize blessedness into the murk of ambiguity and chaos. Experiment and Experientialize the ID, Deify, Adore and Worship and Indulge the Ego into heterogeneity of art and crumple-cum the Super Ego and reify it as a wasted condom to be flushed away. The Supreme Court of India has (anal)yzed a crude law—the law of immoral traffic. According to this preposterous and dastardly law, its fangs can arrest couple indulging in consensual sex outside the domain of marriage. It’s an irony that the law does not apply to foreigners who come here. Why are they left scot free? I set my gaze on to the shape of Kerala as represented on the map. Kerala —God’s Own Country is really a cuntree, a cunt shaped leafy state hewn out of a mythological blunder when Prasurama threw his axe into a lesbian Arabian sea. Its idyll backwaters sedate the senses and work like a narcotic lulling the body to flow into a vulvical orifice of being. A fairy Godmother is a bitchy archetype—a whore who feigns sexuality with a legion of men. Yes a fairy Godmother is a lesbian with fairies. Fair sex is fairy sex. Mr. Worm Wood Bloom the alter ego from the Anglican, Episcopal, Catholic church, self ordained wants anal(yze) the ism of cuntualism. Cuntualism has many lexicographic bifurcations like cuntualize, cuntuality, and cuntocentric. Wow Logos, I have Derridadadainized your privilege into multifarious cuntualizims. What is the cunto-centric discourse? Let’s cuntsatiate meanings into hetero-labial-architectural dichotomies of feminomanias. Logo-phallic discourses the erect-hood of domination became heterogenized into anal-lingual-cunnilingual trans-copulation of hetero-erotic orientations in labyrinthine possibilities. Phallic bound discourses become submerged in the eclectic stream of cuntextulity, obliterating significances and creating dichotomies of plurivocal meanings. What does cuntextualize mean? Cuntextualize is an erotic edifice of hetero-genders privileging the discourses of the self against theologization of culture, religion, race, caste, sex, nation and gender. What is a cuntree? It’s a poly-erotic nation steeped in the ethos of immorality, guided by artisans where every law is a profanity. Prosperity is fornication and sodomy through the rituals of sado-masochism. What is cuntistronics? It’s polly syllabic with multilateral utterances of oooohs and aaahs the moaning, screaming, crying, and grunting when orgasms occur throughout the world. It’s the politics of protest devoid of moral puritanisms and a revival of carnival used a weapon of non violence against phallo-logo-centered governments enforcing rigid laws for Philistine survival. The memories of Worm Wood Bloom slipped into his austere childhood —the time he spent under the regimen of a tyrant Art Master. For the Art class, we have to leave the class room and file into the art room. The object of display on the table was a bunch of flowers in flowerpot. The Art Master with a huge moustache curling at both ends and a sinister smile ordered the students to copy it into the art notebooks. The Art Master has a long bamboo cane which he used to slap on his pants from time to time. I became petrified by the art master’s menacing posture. I opened the art notebook with trembling hands. I shivered a cosmic shiver and felt my body as though I have been hit by a meteor. Ten minutes before the bell rang —the Art Master bellowed: “hand in your books”. I put my book in the last, hoping that my empty page won’t be detected before the bell rang. But to my consternation, he saw the book and pointed his cane at me. He bellowed: “You come here”. Trembling like the earth rumbling, I went near to the table in which he was sitting. He stood up quickly and held my shirt and swung the cane vigorously striking my buttocks with all the force that he could muster. He beat on my buttocks five times. My buttocks felt like it had touched a live flame. Tears overcame me and I wept. The Art Master sneered uttered hoarsely: “Shut up”. My affinity for art lay paralyzed for a long time. It was only when I reached my youth, even though I can’t paint for nuts, I embraced art as an aficionado.
First of all I would like to invite the audience into the construction of the plot. The plot is neither magical, not an intellectual construct. Here I proceed with the plot by the dissection of Political Parties. The saffron political party had no locus standi in the state. The Gandhi’s a political party and the Cheguverain party was competing with each other in this municipality. It was a mouth to neck competition. One can’t wonder who would be the winner. In the course of time, the Gandhi’s adopted a political stratagem. A crude and violent strategy it was. It was a strategy to kill the candidate and win mercy votes by asking the family of the killed kin to stand for elections. This strategy worked. The Gandhi’s as a political party won the oncoming elections. Nobody knew about the perfidious actions of the Gandhi party. Every plot erected in the novel is crap. One can easily dissect the monuments inherent in the creation.
In the desert, I found an oasis that gurgles God. Ms. Young Kadija Muhammad was moaning from reading a text on varied sexual positions. Ms. Old Kadija Muhammad was moaning with labor pains. I have to divorce my wife, stupid, fucking Pentecostal bitch. I want to portray myself as an art exhibit with a candle stuck in my asshole and lit on the outside. What an altar it will, a profane menorah. Trinity can be in hell too, Father, Son and the Demonic Spirit. I see her lighting a candle on the feet of icon Mary. What a silly piety, piety devoid of sex. Immanence can be closing God in a sign and leading destruction in decipherment. Occult—I have transcended it by the art of living. Art is a parable of the lost sheep. The game of chance, the lottery dissolved my existence. When will real ecstasy happen in the existence of my being? The subaltern Lucifer is a night of ecstasy. I am hiring Lesbian Prostitutes for a night of hetero-poetic excursions. How can I adulterate the temple of the living God with fornication, drunkenness, orgy and blasphemy? God lives in the desert. The pen can thirst for the exodus of finding an oasis. If God can’t be uttered then God can be mournfully accumulated in the pen. God—I utter Diaspora. I am no Moses to purify the mind into an exodus. What a miracle is God—I feel pathetic. If Joseph had committed adultery with Potiphar’s wife, he would have enjoyed it. I need to drown my body in booze and then purify it with indulgent sex. Numbers are numbers, countable, and whoreable as mysticism. Jekyll and Hyde are two facets of every mind. Lucifer was subalternized by Christianity. The scratches in the sky are my turbulent emotions. I saw the bitch running on the road with its tits sagging like elastic. The rosy clouds licked the sky in the evening. Thoughts became a disgusting used condom. Mind sullied itself like a soiled vagina. Nativity of my Christmas is Diaspora in chaos.
Dark clouds of imagination crowded in my agitated and restless loins. The poetry of the body is waiting like flowers wanting to bloom. I can also (anal)yze my perceptions, thoughts and feelings. Passions can be imprisoned in the Super Ego.
I need love and sex; they are fevers I am suffering from. I am a Chinese Dog. I pounce on the horoscope, No! I wag my tail for no reason and I bark for passion. I am silent now in sadness. The Fish Pisces can never sink as it is always swimming. Asstrolegers are fucking asstrolegers. I bounce back my memory to the Mother Goddess sculpture found in Indus valley ruins. Why is the sculpture showing the abundance of breasts and extra large hips? Man is a voyeur to sensational exhibitionism. How can reason be submissive to passion? What is transubstantiation and consubstantiation in Christian theology? How can the Eucharist, the blood and wine become the living body and blood of Christ as enunciated by Catholicism in the doctrine of transubstantiation? Catholicism is a fucked up religion with dogmas of hegemony. How can the bloody Mary a cocktail fucking weep? How can blood drain out of the fucking idol of Mary? Mary was no fucking virgin. She had many children. Why are candles being lit up at the feet of idol Mary? Why not light candle near to her cunt. What about the Lutheran doctrine of consubstantiation that the blood and wine should be taken in memory of Christ? There is no living image of Christ and then how can we visualize a memory of Christ. Was Christ a poem that remained immaculate? We are we housed in the fleshy carnality of a body that can sin and sin and rebel and rebel. The materiality of our bodies makes us susceptible to earthly Faustian ideals. Passion is for the flesh to be celebrated as a Holy Communion, ecstasying into carnivals of libido-poetopieas. Blessed are the possessed for they shall inherit the kingdom of the Earth. Let that be a devilish beatitude. Did Eve have sex with serpent? Yes she did and then she ate the tree, the fruit of knowledge. Why did God hide the wisdom of the tree of knowledge from humans and then told them that it is a taboo to eat of it? Yes the fruit of knowledge is sex and sex and sex. The moment a taboo is created it becomes a bulwark that can have an opposition, which is a cunt that can lasso it and crumple it into a transgression. Why was the tree of life created and then not given to humans to be eaten? In the beginning was the Word, the word was not God; the Word was the letter and the letter was flesh, transcribed into the eurhythmy of meaning and the flesh became meaning to disseminated. Men disseminate meaning by scattering sperm and women being lesbians in the cataclitoral agitations of multi-orgasms. It’s gospel that women should be lesbians and at times offer their cunts for the revival of procreation. When Jesus was walking where God alone knows, he by chance spied on a fig tree. It was copious with leaves and its trunk fat with flesh. But the fig tree disappointed him as it bore no fruit. He became angry and cursed it and then it withered and sunk to the ground in desolation. Why couldn’t Jesus have blessed the tree and command it bear fruit. It’s a puzzling enigma. Why was apostle Paul, blinded by divine rays and struck down upon the ground from the horse he was riding, a Damascene effect created by God to proselytize him into Christianity? Yes Paul was transformed. But what was the effect? Did Paul have the freedom to delve into the freedom of his experiential existential self? He had to forgo all pleasures of the body and experience pain and suffering for translating spirituality, a Christian theology that makes no sense to me even till this day. Why does the Christian God want to own people and subjugate them with moral purity? What is the great reward that one can accumulate after death? Heaven! What an absurdity! One can’t fathom the entirety of the universe and then what is the use of fathoming a God that remains so unfriendly, malignant and mysterious. How can one erase the Christian consciousness from one’s mind? I am trying but my efforts are a stumbling block. When Christian theologians advocate God loves the sinner but not the Sin, all my defenses crumple; I became a vegetable, an empty flesh wanting to repossess meaning to celebrate a carnival. Yes I am a fleshian. I love to indulge in booze, women and food. I am addicted to sin and nothing will me make me change. I am puzzled by the actions of the Biblical Joseph. When Joseph was working in Potiphar’s house, the Pharaoh’s official who bought from captivity, he was allured by Potiphar’s wife to bed with her. He adamantly refused her titillations. Why? It would have been pleasurable for Joseph to learn lessons of sexuality by succumbing to the pleasures of this sensual garden. But Joseph was so enthused with Jehovah karma and refused her seductions. And for that reason he had to suffer. In the end the Bible paints a goody goody picture of him as being given the gift of God to interpret the dreams of Pharaoh and having done so he was transformed into a stature in Egyptian bureaucracy. Instead of being baptized in water, I would indulge in the baptism of myself in whisky. How can one become a holy fucking Ganges of the spirit by being baptized in water? The flesh does not change. The flesh is addicted to the transcendence of poetic subjectivity. The flesh deserves sex and that’s its priority.
I was trying so hard to fornicate the realism of the novel. But my efforts were in vain in the realism of the book shelf. That’s was when I got hold of a cathartic experience. It was so silly, so subaltern, and so gross; it’s when I watched a woman pee through her clothes standing on the side of the bridge. I always wonder why my relatives send me to a penal institution called the asylum. Is it who I am insane or they? I am fucked up in a Matriarchal culture; I am dominated, hegemonized for packets of cigarettes. I have no outlet. But again I think of the woman, why was she ostracized why society. Is it her nirvana of her urinating through her clothes? Goddam fuck! There’s always an answer in this unanswerable universe. Saw the street light falling on the ripples of water in the brook, distorting it and making it look like woman’s vulva. A withered leaf lay on the ground, crumpled, haggard and worn out; it was corpse of being, wanting to decompose into the earth. Love birds, pets of my niece lie imprisoned in a cage, chattering their freedom and protesting release by banging their wings on cages. I would love to be a prodigal Son but I need lottery luck as the Father’s wealth to prodigalize it. When the coins clinked on the floor it became a hearing of money luck. When I shit there’s shitopiea and when I urinate there’s urineopiea. I am porn-racial; I love a pan-porn theology, African, American, Asian and Hispanic. I am shit-chthonic when I feel like shitting but I am not able to shit. The media becomes a corybantic gobbler when there’s happenings especially disasters. Wonder why aviation disasters strike headlines and front pages and so also natural disasters. Rapes are paeans of sexsimilitudes brutally orgicized in the media. The devil is limited in hell but I am not on Earth; I have the right to be in transgressional freedom and also being in the knowing about its consequences.

Dark clouds of imagination crowded in my agitated and restless loins. The poetry of the body is waiting like flowers wanting to bloom. I can also (anal)yze my perceptions, thoughts and feelings. Passions can be imprisoned in the Super Ego.
I need love and sex; they are fevers I am suffering from. I am a Chinese Dog. I pounce on the horoscope, No! I wag my tail for no reason and I bark for passion. I am silent now in sadness. The Fish Pisces can never sink as it is always swimming. Asstrolegers are fucking asstrolegers. I bounce back my memory to the Mother Goddess sculpture found in Indus valley ruins. Why is the sculpture showing the abundance of breasts and extra large hips? Man is a voyeur to sensational exhibitionism. How can reason be submissive to passion? What is transubstantiation and consubstantiation in Christian theology? How can the Eucharist, the blood and wine become the living body and blood of Christ as enunciated by Catholicism in the doctrine of transubstantiation? Catholicism is a fucked up religion with dogmas of hegemony. How can the bloody Mary a cocktail fucking weep? How can blood drain out of the fucking idol of Mary? Mary was no fucking virgin. She had many children. Why are candles being lit up at the feet of idol Mary? Why not light candle near to her cunt. What about the Lutheran doctrine of consubstantiation that the blood and wine should be taken in memory of Christ? There is no living image of Christ and then how can we visualize a memory of Christ. Was Christ a poem that remained immaculate? We are we housed in the fleshy carnality of a body that can sin and sin and rebel and rebel. The materiality of our bodies makes us susceptible to earthly Faustian ideals. Passion is for the flesh to be celebrated as a Holy Communion, ecstasying into carnivals of libido-poetopieas. Blessed are the possessed for they shall inherit the kingdom of the Earth. Let that be a devilish beatitude. Did Eve have sex with serpent? Yes she did and then she ate the tree, the fruit of knowledge. Why did God hide the wisdom of the tree of knowledge from humans and then told them that it is a taboo to eat of it? Yes the fruit of knowledge is sex and sex and sex. The moment a taboo is created it becomes a bulwark that can have an opposition, which is a cunt that can lasso it and crumple it into a transgression. Why was the tree of life created and then not given to humans to be eaten? In the beginning was the Word, the word was not God; the Word was the letter and the letter was flesh, transcribed into the eurhythmy of meaning and the flesh became meaning to disseminated. Men disseminate meaning by scattering sperm and women being lesbians in the cataclitoral agitations of multi-orgasms. It’s gospel that women should be lesbians and at times offer their cunts for the revival of procreation. When Jesus was walking where God alone knows, he by chance spied on a fig tree. It was copious with leaves and its trunk fat with flesh. But the fig tree disappointed him as it bore no fruit. He became angry and cursed it and then it withered and sunk to the ground in desolation. Why couldn’t Jesus have blessed the tree and command it bear fruit. It’s a puzzling enigma. Why was apostle Paul, blinded by divine rays and struck down upon the ground from the horse he was riding, a Damascene effect created by God to proselytize him into Christianity? Yes Paul was transformed. But what was the effect? Did Paul have the freedom to delve into the freedom of his experiential existential self? He had to forgo all pleasures of the body and experience pain and suffering for translating spirituality, a Christian theology that makes no sense to me even till this day. Why does the Christian God want to own people and subjugate them with moral purity? What is the great reward that one can accumulate after death? Heaven! What an absurdity! One can’t fathom the entirety of the universe and then what is the use of fathoming a God that remains so unfriendly, malignant and mysterious. How can one erase the Christian consciousness from one’s mind? I am trying but my efforts are a stumbling block. When Christian theologians advocate God loves the sinner but not the Sin, all my defenses crumple; I became a vegetable, an empty flesh wanting to repossess meaning to celebrate a carnival. Yes I am a fleshian. I love to indulge in booze, women and food. I am addicted to sin and nothing will me make me change. I am puzzled by the actions of the Biblical Joseph. When Joseph was working in Potiphar’s house, the Pharaoh’s official who bought from captivity, he was allured by Potiphar’s wife to bed with her. He adamantly refused her titillations. Why? It would have been pleasurable for Joseph to learn lessons of sexuality by succumbing to the pleasures of this sensual garden. But Joseph was so enthused with Jehovah karma and refused her seductions. And for that reason he had to suffer. In the end the Bible paints a goody goody picture of him as being given the gift of God to interpret the dreams of Pharaoh and having done so he was transformed into a stature in Egyptian bureaucracy. Instead of being baptized in water, I would indulge in the baptism of myself in whisky. How can one become a holy fucking Ganges of the spirit by being baptized in water? The flesh does not change. The flesh is addicted to the transcendence of poetic subjectivity. The flesh deserves sex and that’s its priority. For the nihilism of despair there’s no redeeming Christ. Woe to you Christ—I have my solitude. I am thinking of an absurd God in the absurd Universe. God has a divinism that is opposite to humanism, a cold, unfriendly, malignant, hegemonic, and hateful—an all powering sovereign who palpitates the consciousness to be nullified again as crazy existence. Religion as an experience has culturized me into a pell-mell of boisterous romping of Hellenic Dionysianism, a negative attitude to theology that is stultifying Jehovah-Christianism and an unbelief in all idols that are cultually adored in Hinduism

I was trying so hard to fornicate the realism of the novel. But my efforts were in vain in the realism of the book shelf. That’s was when I got hold of a cathartic experience. It was so silly, so subaltern, and so gross; it’s when I watched a woman pee through her clothes standing on the side of the bridge. I always wonder why my relatives send me to a penal institution called the asylum. Is it who I am insane or they? I am fucked up in a Matriarchal culture; I am dominated, hegemonized for packets of cigarettes. I have no outlet. But again I think of the woman, why was she ostracized why society. Is it her nirvana of her urinating through her clothes? Goddam fuck! There’s always an answer in this unanswerable universe. Saw the street light falling on the ripples of water in the brook, distorting it and making it look like woman’s vulva. A withered leaf lay on the ground, crumpled, haggard and worn out; it was corpse of being, wanting to decompose into the earth. Love birds, pets of my niece lie imprisoned in a cage, chattering their freedom and protesting release by banging their wings on cages. I would love to be a prodigal Son but I need lottery luck as the Father’s wealth to prodigalize it. When the coins clinked on the floor it became a hearing of money luck. When I shit there’s shitopiea and when I urinate there’s urineopiea. I am porn-racial; I love a pan-porn theology, African, American, Asian and Hispanic. I am shit-chthonic when I feel like shitting but I am not able to shit. The media becomes a corybantic gobbler when there’s happenings especially disasters. Wonder why aviation disasters strike headlines and front pages and so also natural disasters. Rapes are paeans of sexsimilitudes brutally orgicized in the media. The devil is limited in hell but I am not on Earth; I have the right to be in transgressional freedom and also being in the knowing about its consequences. The pruned hedges of the garden looked like a half shaved pussy, cleared for entry.
Today the word slut awakened me from a stupor of pandoramatic state; slut shittified into many beads of fragments; slut aroused my body as pornography of being sluttified and I wish that I could be sluttified by many whores speaking in the paganisation of Babel tongues; again the word slut manifested as a verb: slutify, slutfying and a noun slutification; how I desire the poetry of immersing my tongues in a carnival of hiring the hoi polloi whores—right in their cunts and asses. What a feeling of aesthesis would I beget? It would be a feeling of aestheolabialmoaninghearingsyndromeofecstasy.

I have come to hate my mother who has borne me with pangs of labor; after the death of my father, she has assumed the role of a dominating matriarch constantly carping at me even for the flimsiest reasons; she treats me as an employee and does not give me wages for my work but only crumbs to buy cigarettes; she and my fucked up Pentecostal bitch-wife, when they feel fine call studs from the asylum run by fucking Catholic nuns and lock me there from time to time; I am yearning for a life, a decent job which will fling me out of their miasma and give me a fresh breather of life where I can think creatively and write with all my feathers aiming for the flight of passion. I am reverting back to my childhood; one day my mother went into the bathroom and locked it; by chance I went near its door and to my surprise I found tiny gaping crevasses; I peeped and watched my mother bathing nude; my body was galore with funny feelings; yes, I was shocked and loved the pleasure of being a voyeur; suddenly a hand was upon me, on my shoulder; shuddering I turned back and to my shock it was my own father; I became taken aghast; but my liberal father started guffawing and teasingly he said: “so you are watching.” Yes even while lying in his death grave— I cherish his attitude to life and I prostrate it with a lighted candle. My first lessons in pornography were diligently searching porn literature that he hid and read. I used to find them and I use to treasure them. Yes there was poetry in all of them, breasts, cunts and asses are holed up in a garden of positions, all becoming pomegranates of pleasure. Now my whole family has been Pentacostalized and they regard me as fucking insane only fit for being in an asylum,
Saw a yellow face with wings gently kissing the plants, and then passionately kissing the air, an aesthetic of a combined gymnast and an acrobat and then floating as a gay philosopher, transforming my mind into an epiphany. I am traveling in a bus now; the raucous sounds of Tamil film songs emanated from the loud speakers of the bus; it lubricated my ears as a grave. As I was gazing out of the window, by chance I spied upon a fish stall; the smell that flew into my nostrils made my memory into a dirty halo, reminding me of fishy pussies that I have licked and the moaning of women in the throes of an orgasm. Soon the bus entered the Catholic church; I got out and the sight of idol cherubs cast in stone and stooping down made me wonder about positions that I take when I micturate? Why were angelic beings so portrayed in such a condescending position? How do they urinate? Where are there penises? Or are they hermaphroditic? I laughed to myself at this trivial site. Form the sight of these angels, my thoughts reverted to Rodin’s sculpture—The Thinker. I grinned as new thoughts of it flooded to my mind. Why is the thinker so stiff? Is he pissed out? Does he pain in his groin? Does he want to masturbate? Does he have AIDS? The thinker was deconstructed was deconstructed from its aesthetocracy to a conglomeration of mundanity and from there to a mania of revisiting and rethinking his art as a trivial sculpture. By the time the marriage was over, the rich and snobbish started moving in their luxury cars —Audis, Mercs and BMW’s. I felt so worn out and tired by this ostentatious display of newly acquired wealth. My intentions of going to the marriage were two. One was the grandmother of the bride who initiated me into the lessons of sexuality. I did not want to disappoint her. And the other, I thought that I could by chance come across a some woman who would become sexually interested in me. Yes I live a sex starved life and I need the manna of sexual nourishment. I thirsted to have a bottle of rum but I had no cash to buy it. The stars of the night glistened like drops of sperm. I looked into the dustbin; crumpled paper, empty rum bottles and cigarette buds stared at me like a collage of Sartre’s Being and Nothingness. Art became a rite of void and flowed into my veins as nihilism.

Today my mind was cloudy and felt that it was passing through the tunnel of a long, elongated pussy. I was feeling miserable with torn lottery tickets lying by my side. All of a sudden my mind burst into an epiphany. Mind became torn with the torness of the lottery tickets. My thoughts went back to Jackson Pollock’s action painting, especially his autumn rhythm. From Autumn Rhythm I became inspired to create an avant garde Art form called STRIP ART. In one sense STRIP ART stands to be nonsensical in another sense a pun.
Cigarettes
Cigarettes1

A prose of poems, white sperm sprinkled the green orifice of the earth early morn. The air of the Earth whispered as a motion of whirling wind, labialating the petals of the earth in multi-orgasms of earthy delight. Dawn became a celestial orgy of colors, hues of orange and red, a psychedelia of paint plastered on the walls of a brothel. The mongrel Suzy stripped the newspaper to bits out of which a surreal poet could copulate poems. I sang rap into my mouth with remaining half bottle of rum, a cheap proletarian drink, made for the masses by the monopoly government who is out to make quick bucks with the sale of shitty liquor. How I longed to snatch the gold necklace of my bitchy mother and buy with it a new found bottle of freedom. She makes me slog and pays me only a pittance to buy cigarettes. Breasts, Cunts and buts awakened in my mind with a hallucination to be in all orifices like a Cubist painting of Picasso. I thought of masturbating on the idol of Virgin Mary. Again my subconscious started invading my conscious mind and the doctrine of eschatology, the Christian litmus of final judgment and heavenly salvation for the born gain and the saved crept up like thoughtologies, piercing my mind like needles injected for acupressure. It was at this juncture that an innovative hyperbole—a shit cosmically hanging and jangling like the words of the ‘the wall’ from Pink Floyd. I became a swami maverick coining shit and eschatology and shit and ecstasy as shitcatolticalshitstasy—the ontological realm of the art of the body emptying its bowels. The position of Shitting in Occidental and Oriental cultures is different. In the orient, one has to squat on the toilet—a position which strains the muscles of the leg. In this position it becomes a bit difficult to wash the insides of the arse. In the Occident one gets to enjoy the position of shitting—one can sit comfortably on the toilet seat and also if one wants, one can wash the arse thoroughly inside and out. I wonder why cultures have created the art for shitting differently. Again the aesthetics of shitting is prone to many pleasures and angsts. Sometimes shit emerges without a protest from the bowels, c lean cylindrical log that falls plop into the commode. Sometimes it emerges as cubic pieces just like the painting Guernica. And at other times shit is painful experience. One wants to poop and the feeling of shitting is so strong and yet shit does not emerge. This kind shitting without any shit emerging is an angstuality of shitting.

Metaphysics ends an experience to laugh or to be in anguish. To be Platonic is to be an idol of an empty mind. How wonderful if thoughts could satiate into things of experience. All the (w)holes and mounts of a woman, alas I sigh in delight. When will the boundaries of nation, culture, race and law be forged into a Liberopiea. How amazing? I am not able to pick money fallen on the ground. The Medusa should laugh her pussy out. I drink only Kerala’s proletarian rum—Marx, what an awful taste? If only I could be a writer, a dwarf who writes for the freedom of an aesthopiea. The phallus is an irony; from the sacred it has become the law of the Father and then a logo-centric discourse. Irony wombed when wo/man became frustrated with language. Booze, cannabis and women are adultery for me. I am Gauguin’s follower. I leave my home and family for Art. Was Pontius Pilate the best Catholic as he could find no blemish in Christ? Kafka I found in you a great lyric, greater than E=MC2. I can only bless those who have helped me in my hard times. Ms. You have given me money to write a poem for you and now you are a poem for me. Why Christ have you invaded my innermost being and violated the freedom of my subjectivity and sin? Metaphysics and Ontology end in an experience to laugh or to be in anguish. Gold is a whore for me.
Winged art moving time as a glazier—it’s a music delighting eyes, a dance that floats, stunning the silence of eternity. Watching them climb higher and higher, their earthen robes have the precision of a mobile art gallery; standing on the earth, you open an art of experience to me; now you are disappearing from my vision—you have chosen a destiny—a white flame merging as a song of love, your breath now an ethereal whisper. Flock of White birds in winged flight was a woman strapping her bra on her breasts. Orange ball—belly of the Sun, was whore smiling—wooing her client. Becoming Christ like in Christuality negates the poetic lyric of becoming individuality. Lucifer, you are quicksand and it’s tragic that you have wasted hell. The Historical Christ was a real entity. Was his proclamation to be a Spiritual Christ an ego of ambition? I have left Churchianity and I am agnostic. My religion lies in the mysticism of the body, especially eating, drinking, shitting, farting and fucking. Mysticism also awakens when I am in anxiety or experiencing angst. Picasso, you make my mind warped in a brothel of experiential aesthetics. Today, I made a wish in my psyche and by chance or luck, the tides of sea favored my shores. Alas I always exclaim why it’s not happening every day? I stopped reading the tarot and asstrology. They suck in negativity. Dali I enjoyed reading your biography. You are yourself. Old epics are narratives about kings, wars and God’s and Goddesses now an epic is a narrative of bodily sensations. War had a moral in epics—War! What an immorality. When a famous novelist blasts on his website, he is writing a novel, he has an ulterior motive. Are there global citizens— only vanity of sovereign nations boasting. I have forgiven myself! Wow! What a peace? Shalom, you dirty my body. Oh soul! How precarious a vain butterfly you are? When will you house the earthy body? My name is not written in the book of life. I don’t care! I have a book which lives through writing. I eat the fruit of sin every day. Since they have been cast out of Eden there’s no more casting out. The tree of life is a fib invented to overcome death. I am an earthly captive of money, booze and women. Yes I am slave, a Faustian.

In experiencing gratification by imagining, the mind tilts like a windmill towards angst. AIDS –Acquired Islamic Dictatorial Syndrome is a disease which inflicts pain, suffering and death. I hate crowds, thundering speeches and idiotic devotees. The thin/g/k that puzzles me most in Christianity is the Trinity—the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost. How do they exist as one and yet remain as three. And when the Son was on the earth what was happening to the other two entities? Quite baffling it is— there’s no mystery or revelation but plain nonsense. Oh culture is a living religion for the conformist but for the iconoclast it is a rebellion. Here again in Hindusthan the naked swamis are gathering for the Kumbamela festival. Devotees bow meekly and touch the penises of the Swamis in adoration. Some times in India God’s and Goddesses are stolen…idols made in Gold. Golden Gods and Goddesses fetch a tidy sum in the market. The ravens gathered around like witches doing a ceremonial parade around the remains of a dead dog mashed as remnants of pulpy paper. Few of them, carriers of the dead, started pecking eagerly at the open entrails. The decomposed dead yet remain alive. They invade the mind of dreams and create situations that involve the living and themselves. Dead you don’t dream and yet you tap into the unconscious and procreate and permeate it with distortions that appear to the dreamer. I met a scrooge the other day. He was so parsimonious that after removing leftovers of food from his mouth, he puts the toothpick back into his purse. The cluster of bananas lay on the erect trunk of a dick with many oddly shaped balls, almost falling off. Ladoos, yellow Indian sweets, resembling shit balls lay spread on the table. I dreamt of asking her politely: “will you lend me your cunt.” My mind is a treadmill of prose on which I keep on running and sculpting molten lava into a text of poems. The night sky lay glittered with the balls of dwarfs. The sect—I have observed them. They are clad in white. They have mummified the remains of their founder called Appachan. They are a hotchpotch of Hinduism and Christianity and they trace their lineage to their founder called Appachan. Every year in memory of him they block the roads, build arcades of wood on which light settings are set and dance and frenzy. Sometimes I wonder why they have become a religion. They belong to a group of constipated masses, idiotic but reverential to their founder. Now I am travelling in the train. I go to the toilet to pee. On it is scattered ugly graffiti, graffiti without any talent of mastering the brush. It’s a chaos of openings, especially women’s. The cunts and the asses are spread out in noisy display. Also there are depictions of gigantic breasts which would even challenge the figure of the discovered Mother Goddess. I feel pity for India. It’s a repressed country wanting to express sexuality in toilets and wanting to rape women. Rapes are cruel. In one rape, they shoved a broken bottle inside the ass of the woman. She later succumbed to injuries in a Singapore hospital sponsored by the Government. Why are rapes happening in India alone? India has the law of immoral traffic, a law which would enable prosecutors to arrest anyone who is copulating outside the domain of married life. What a shitty law? India is still reeling under the stigma of antiquated British Laws. When will India become free from colonial bondage and nurture an individual to progress, civility and sexual freedom? When I see the hearse, I am thankful for having one more chance. I exploded like a bomb, spilling shit all over the commode. I have to resurrect in meanings every day. Caged meanings, frozen in a dictionary—wake up to my life. A being should live in Literature, Think in Philosophy and Copulate in Art. The withered leaf lay on the ground, crumpled in the stillness of thought. Chance and Luck—what twin bastards are they? Zen in streams of consciousness is divergent, chaotic and nihilistic. When I die, the earth that I have trampled on will embrace me with love. Forgiveness—I have to meet that bitch and fuck her. In consciousness I am a legion of archetypes. I dream of the Witch Bitch Nun Sister who controlled me in my sojourn in the asylum. I see her calves up to which her frock reaches. I would love to hold her cross and fuck her from behind, embracing her shitty asshole as cathartic release of passionate pain which I feel. Saw a dark Satan with green eyes meowmeowing euphorically about hell. It came to me in streams of consciousness—the word Cathartopia. Cathartopia formed from Catharsis and Utopia, is the prose of life in the poetry of meanings. Cathartopia seeks to elevate every existence not merely to the existence of being but to conjunction of the profane and the sublime. Early morning I am a turgid (Dick)ensian and urinate with its turgidity. She is not merely a (w)hole, is she? Here I go again with a (Dick)ensian rhyme…Mockadoodledo do my dick is a fiddle that’s a fit as a fiddle. Mockadoodledo the dame has lost her hole. Pen(dick)ularity is a horny state of literary aesthetics. Today I found her, my student, with a whitish skin and on it hair as a beard. I don’t know why she has not removed it? I felt disgust, and also an erotic desire to bite it off. Whenever he copulates he explodes with a plop in her vagina. She feels an awful repulsion to his doing. His dick is a plop-centric discourse in the hegemony of (Dick)ensian-logo centeredness. Today the remains of a cat run over by an automobile with its entrails all come out came to my vision as red glue sticking out on the road. I am a Hellenic Philistine—a satyr of a satire. If all the people in the World pee at the same time, there would an ocean called Urinoria, much bigger than the Pacific Ocean. The people of Cuntree made a record in Guinness by shitting together and making the tallest tower in the world. Her mother was a mistress whom I used to fuck. When she was a small girl, she used to greet me with a lavish smile. Now she is in her teens and when she passes by, she does not even look and treats me like complete stranger. Sometimes I wonder if she is my own daughter. But then I don’t as her mother has been fucked by many.

figure

This is a visual-linguistic illusion were the aesthetic is manifested as deconstructions of meaning where meaning severed and at the same time retained.
Lucifer is a God to Yes of every desire. White colored Quakers were strolling out of the church as Sunday divitinities. I felt like devil seething with evil on seeing them. I would love to fuck a woman at the altar of the church. I am paradox of being emotionally feminine and analytically masculine.

cross

The Cross is a pun-dramatic word, retaining meaning even while being crossed out. The Cross is an artstheticarchetype, retaining and disintegrating meaning at the same time. The stars resembling cat’s eyes were out… The sea was frolicking in full glee. I sat on the sandy beach and it screamed like Edward Munch painting moonlight. I got out the cheapest, Kerala’s proletarian rum named Greek as Hercules. The first gulp is the hardest to take. When it’s gulped, the awful shit of a taste triggers the body to retch. It’s with a mammoth effort that one has to kill it into the throat once again. The time in me started feeding with the imagination of Salvador Dali’s persistence of memory. I stumbled and fell flat on the sand. Suddenly I brushed against something. I put my hand out and felt the surface and I was able to touch Himalayan breasts. Eros blasted into my loins. I touched her again but then there was no response. I lifted her Sari and I don’t know whether I was able to insert her orifice. My white poetry came out. After that I blacked out. Early morning even before the erection of the Sun, I awoke. I tried recollect all what I did in the night. But my memory was blank as a white piece of paper. Then I saw her. I tried to wake her up by giving her a push. There was no response. Then I touched her belly and I became shocked. She was a cold refrigerated meat. I became frightened and horrified. Quickly I ran away from the place.
My thought now is like a vibrator inserted into a cunt; the moment it starts agitating, my body intensifies into multi-orgasmic zones of intense pleasure.
Angst, you corpse decked with roses; you odor your essences into the body, narcissifying it as a desert. Why do you crowd the human mind more intensely than pleasures—yet you are sinful in the fruit of a poem, fleshy and savoring the intricacies of the body.
God—he felt ironic as being a goody goody creator. God sighed mournfully and thought of what more he could create. Yes and that’s someone powerful enough to challenge him. At last God laughed hysterically like the uterus of a woman; the God Christ became stoned and in a fit of delirium, he created his own pride—the Lord Lucifer. Lucifer was an Aphrodite and he had many gay, sexual and heterosexual rites, orgies and bacchanalia with demonic entities mixing them up in multiplicities of orientations. They ecstasied in days of poetry. This made God bitterly jealous of his creation, and God flung it down as the historical other, the marginalized, autochthonic subaltern into the abyss of hell. God’s jealousy was Catholic and bitchy in ramifications.
I am not going to be destructed by the esoteric sadism of God. My woe and misery is a gay science of laughter.
Freedom—the absurd paradox inherent in the Ten Commandments—man is woefully limited by law and yet is paradoxically, hyperborean in freedom.
The Serpent was Eve’s Lesbian Lover. Eve you ate the forbidden fruit of the loins; you tasted the liqueur of licentious libido. Yet Eve why did you hide your orientation from Adam when you seductively presented him the fruit? Eve you are the feminist of anarchic bisexualism a futurism of being femino-woman-tognist. Eve, you have open the sacred flesh, the ontology of the language of (w) holes to the Taj Mahal of freedom.
Repressed is a magical realism of a pregnant belly teeming with dungeon of talons, fangs and forked tongues. Sad to say time whispers sedately: “mother fucker, up yours.”
Purpose in life is a miasma of chewable dung. Kindness—Mother Mary was born with a silver spoon in her cunt.
Envy, hatred, avarice, lust aren’t feeble; they are all powerful manifestations of the soul. Even infinity cannot fathom the power of human desire. Evening belched clouds of spitting rain. The Devil is a comic exaggeration and God is a comic hyperbole. The many women that I love are all poems for me. I would love to hire many whores, pay them and get them drunk and copulate with them in the monsoon of orgies.
A writer should not write for the market or for the masses or for ideologies; s/h/e has to indulge in the art of a novel writing. Joyce exteriorized streams of consciousness. How to interiorize it and manifest it in the epiphanies of the mundane and the trivial encounter of the body with the ontology of being? The womb that has birthed me has become a symbol of authority, tyranny, domination. I wish I was not born with hatred for it. Religions pervert being into Ethics. Epiphany—you are a mournful rainy evening. Whores: “don’t reject me or my cash”.
Every time I set a wish in motion trying to believe the mystics that there is a vibrational, positive energy in the universe, my whishes spring to me as loser’s shit.
If time is real, then it’s a whore that fucks the present, woos the past and spread out the future in disinterestedness.
An Egyptian Anubis, black body and green eyes walking on the roof has awakened my consciousness to purr back mumbo jumbo. Cogito ergo sum said Descartes: ‘I think therefore I exist’. Existence is the carnivalization of the multi-orgasmic, a polyphony of dialogism in narratives of a cun, rational sometimes, irrational other times, emotional most of the time. Nietzsche has proclaimed that God is dead. But the conundrum of leading Zarathustrian life is enigmatic. Yoga is crap as it sacrifices the ego to a nonsensical plane of existence. Zen, in you I have found paltry coins of shit. Judas you are not a tragic hero; you are a comic existential hero who savored money rather than Christ’s redemption. Renaissance, you proclaim enlightenment and yet you carried the burden of the past as religious iconography. Ages have tempered your mind in the Christianity of worship. Perversion has no goal, no ideal but just a being wrapped in murky clothes injected with the legion of Sade and Masoch.
As life grows older the newness is lost—one is in the irony of stale shit. Fantasy you crowed my mind with disgruntlement. The abundance of choice is a paradox of making one. Sleeplessness you have devoured me and made me an insomniac. I need sleeping pills and rum to put me to the slumber of death. Bribery is ruling the day in Kerala politics. Being petite bourgeoisie is falling prey to culture morals and values. Sartre –you make a meaning –angst in disappointment. Why the stone statue of Mary is weeping? A stone! That’s trash! Gender and orientations, you are deconstructions in Philosophy. Nuns are alienated but raping them is condemnable. Philosophy, clothe the language of meaning. Poetry, the body is sublime in the profanity of dirt. Existence—philosophy can’t live it. Enacting a meaning is tiresome. A proletarian life has no leisure, no sex, and no time to evaluate the meaning of existence. Irony arose when abundance became scarcity. Hyperbole bullies the instinct. Perversion, the worm of the body—it’s an orifice of suckling. Truth is a discourse –a norm—a truth has to ejaculate multi-orgasms. Every Nun, I hate the Mary in them, otherwise they would have been fuckable !
As life grows older, the newness is lost one is the irony of stale shit. Fantasy you crowd my mind with disgruntlement. The abundance of choice is a paradox of making one. Sleepless, you have devoured me as an insomniac. I need rum and sleeping pills to put me to the slumber of death. Bitch! You are profound in the eclectic catharsis of meaning. Wiccan you have created the pulp of meaning for Harry potter to be exorcised.
Is ruling in Kerala’s politics being petite bourgeoisie is falling prey to culture and morals, and values. Sartre—you make a meaning, even in angst. Why does the statue of fucking Mary weep. It’s a stone and its trash. Gender and orientations are deconstructions in Philosophy. Nuns are alienated beings but raping them is condemnable. Philosophies clothe the language of meaning. Poetry—the body is sublime in the profanity of dirt. Existence –philosophy can’t live it. Enacting a meaning is tiresome. Irony arose when abundance became a scarcity. A proletarian life has no leisure, no sex, and no time to evaluate the meaningful existence. Irony arose when abundance became scarcity. Hyperbole you bully the instinct. Perversion, the worm of the body –it’s an orifical sucklening. Truth is a discourse—a norm—a truth which is to ejaculate in multi-orgasmic meanings. Every Mary, I hate the nun in them –otherwise they could have been good fuckable human beings.
Poetry—the body is sublime in the profanity of dirt. Existence –philosophy can’t live it. Enacting a meaning is tiresome. A proletarian life has no leisure, no sex, and no time to evaluate meaningful existence. Irony arose when abundance became scarcity. Hyperbole bullies the instinct. Perversion, the worm of the body—it’s an orifice of all orificial suckling. Truth is a discourse—a norm—truth has to ejaculate in multi-orgasms. Every Nun, I hate the Mary in them, otherwise they would have been fuckable. Secret societies, you have transported me to the mystical and the magical but in the end I am a nothingness of deep shit. Analingus I am mystic refugee of your magnanimous state, and I am addicted to you in love. Consciousness can expand and fill the mind with money and the body with desire. Consciousness is a cult of satiation. Poetry, you are my darling tongue, yearning to stick music in every woman’s orifice. Arranged marriage you have been a wretched human being. Kundalini –the sacred serpent that wakes up the loins –a mojo-mumbo jumbo which does not transcend the catharsis of existential living. Poetry is sacred in the heart and erotic in the body. Profanity, you can transcend even shit into sublimity. Profanity you have to make the meaning of time.

A lesbian-o-cracy would make the world meaningful and peaceful. Saint or Swamy, why do you go to the Himalayas and worship in caves, prostrating before ice phalluses? You can nourish your mind with your own phalluses. India—you have beaten me with the rod of justice, tempered me with the tranquility of morals, and subdued me in cultural fascism. I am not restrained! I break free and that’s wisdom in collaboration of the mind. What can be known– Nothing but the body of desires? Catharsis you reinstate the mind to a carnival of erotopiea. The Hellenic Greek, the Orthodox Syrian Christian of Kerala, I see to break out of your clutches and create an aesthesis of individualized being. Catharsis, I invoke you as a beauty, mental typhoon of angst and pacific embrace of pleasure. Deconstructions have to experientialize a new concept of the man and woman being reason and passion. Solomon—you wasted soul; you had no lack and that’s why you went a lofty mythical ideal of proclaiming that everything in the world is vanity and chasing the wind. The have-nots have to a have grotesque justification. Oh! It’s a pukeish feeling, associative with stench and colored with shit when one experiences the pain of rejection. My, I would love to be whipped by an aged woman on my bums; whipped till my skin bleeds… What an erotic Masoch I experience! American jazz you submerge my being to a fornication of tranquility. American rock of 70’s and 80’s I have found in you a libido of musical prose. I am in a mental Diaspora wounded by my nation, sex, religion and gender. Exodus I am caught up in an unattainable West.
Mary—you are cruel nuns who have confiscated my being in the asylum of your culture. Lucifer, Mammon, Baphomet, Azazel, Beelzeebub and Aphrodite, by your worship I have become a nihiliated being, anxious to the ambiguities of your procrastination. Whores, I need you in my life to live the orgies of poetry; if I have the source, I will also be generous. “Bloody Bitch”, you are eclectic to the catharsis of meaning. Time has a valuable whore in the hinges of her being. Wiccan, you have created the pulp of beings for Harry Potter. I exorcise you in my mind, keeping aesthetic interests at stake. The ass of Indian pornographic slut expands to me as a middle class being caught up in the wanting of good sex. The phallus of Shiva is not found in some ice-holed, fucking cave; it’s found in existential desire to copulate. Mental interiority and external stimuli are different. Interiorizing external stimuli is what modern novelists like Joyce have been attempting. Art—t he novel is a philosophy of writing and a poetry of meaning.

I kick my desires and shove them up my ass if they are not satisfied. If dreams could actualize into happenings—alas I mourn in discontentment. Proletarian rum, dirt, filthy third rate crap, at least you help me ejaculate meanings from the repressed.
I love older women, especially extremely ugly ones; they have a great compassion of feeling; they playful, poetic and embrace my body to a musical concerto, lust of plenitude, a gratitude that I profoundly love.
Catharsis you are polyphonic, chaotic and angstual or extremely liberational in joys. Why are there more sluts than gigolos? There is sexism in the psychology of desire which privileges the woman. Poetry, redeem my being into the infinity of lasciviousness. Mary—the fucking nuns in the asylum have screwed my thoughts and abused me with male nurses and reduced me to a state of nothingness. The asylum—I was send there. It’s an institution which ferociously assaults the body and creates a jail of the mind.
Metaphors wake me up—adorn your clothes and fertilize new meaning. My wife has been a tragedy of lack of desire. Time—I would love to inherit interiority oblivious to exteriority. Living in a petite bourgeoisie family of Kerala is pretty tragic. They place a high value on Christian ethics; they are disinterestedness in sexual mores; they have no mooring to experientialize art. They are wrapped up in a tight clit of ideology.
A Magdelenic love and romance for Christ, sad to say went unreciprocated by the savior. Art—I have caught time in the prison of my soul. Art—make me live in enriched meanings. I end up being negations of desire. America is a polyphonic nation—a vibration of many cultures—everything in America is renewed in the search for meanings. Kant the intellect of reason and the intuition of passion, you have made a salmagundi with philosophy. Reason, I have to exert a meaning and passion, I have to satisfy it. Ideologies—I have found the serpent in you; you have no regard for the individual human being.
The height of optimism is: even a needle can be found in a haystack. I always dream of robbing a bank and raping a woman. A drink oozes my subconscious out. Legends and myths are adulterated to form figures of speech. It’s precarious to balance an emotional body and a rational mind.
Beatitudes are flowers of lust awakening in the body. Dreams drug the cave of satisfaction. Words have to overcome for meanings to be throned. It’s no silly thing that the mind can project futures of gratifying desire. The heat of the tropics sticks like stains in the body. Myself—I am polyphonic and multifarious. Cannabis, you have woken time into dissident consciousness of meaning. When the phallus is erect it becomes a tool of benediction. Touch me not is a plant that will shut its eyes, the moment it is touched. Evil does not limit the consciousness of desire. A mojo—I have only ink that ejaculates letters of meaning. I would love to have a woman much older than me to satisfy my oedipal fantasies. Echoes are distant but they reverberate the solitude of the heart in longing. Time in the interior is divergent, sometimes pathological, and wholly schizophrenic. Fairies are my weeping tears. Trolls are grotesque phallic constructs. I have to conquer the cross that carried me either by grace or by desire. Grace theologians adopt a conciliatory that helplessness of sin makes it forgivable. Tropes, you have to sabotage my heart to find Faustian-Epicurean meanings. I wait for the day to be physically united to the bitch that betrayed me. Writing from the exiled body, I look into the prison windows that have captured my existence. Soul of a poet, you release me in the into the abundance of music in your wings of flight.