July 12th 2019

Today was a crawling day. I didn’t have many classes and I was able to rest a lot. I was creating fantasies of writers that I have read. I saw poems floating in the sky. The sky had an angelic color. I was at peace with myself.
I am taking Lottery Tickets but luck fails me. After a winning streak the tables are down.

I sometimes wonder what’s my purpose in life. It is said in the Bible: the less you have of yourself, the greater will God be present in your life. I ask God to take me through these lean months. I have asked God for a large bounty as a windfall. I keep my fingers crossed in faith. Yes Jehovah Jireh will provide for all my needs.

I think of fondly of Camus, the writer of existential nihilism. Through him I have a developed an ideal philosophy of ontological being as being a purposist (purpose) and valueablist (valuable). For Camus being was Camutic (chaos and anarchy). However I agree with him that an individual must authenticate existence. Sad to say Camus died in a tragic car crash. There are speculative rumors that the crash was engineered by the KGB. KGB guys attached something sophisticated so that the car will sever from the road and hit a tree. An unfinished manuscript of a novel was also found at the crash site.

I admire Paris as being the mental opera and out of it French Philosophers and Novelists have added a lot of fodder for my brain.

I admire Kafka a lot. I ponder a lot on his metamorphoses of Gregor Samsa into a gigantic insect. The fable—metamorphosis is lit with existential irony. We all need myths and fables to make our life interesting. Kafka was a voyeur of existential myths.

I often think of James Joyce my favorite writer. He is an adept in writing in streams of consciousness. The Ulysses is an epic of one day in a person’s life. The protagonist, a fictional self of Joyce, is named as Stephen Daedalus. He is an iconoclast who has defied Ireland and Catholicism and wrote a master piece— Ulysses, embracing Greek Hellenism.

I think of Salman Rushdie whose novel I have started reading. It is a fable lit with magic realism.

How to develop a style of writing that’s unique? I don’t know the answer. I put my thoughts in my pen and make it a point to lead it the way the mind works. I have also started writing for God—Jehovah Jesus. My novel is kaleidoscope of many salmagundis. Sometimes my pen is a poetic flower, sometimes a carving of inveterate irony, sometimes an awake muse, sometimes a theater of conflict. I like to sculpt words of prose. Yes Schopenhauer said that all art should aspire to the condition of music. The Philosopher Nietzsche has said that art is the fusion of the Dionysian and the Apollonian elements. Apollonian means melody and Dionysian is rhythm and beat. My novels contain philosophical ideas, tales and small vignettes. What do I get out of writing? All my pent up feelings get released. Writing is the libido of the mind, the ego of passion and catharsis of the superego. I write for the sake of writing.

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