April 18th 2019

April 18, 2019
Morning roared to glory—a fiesta for the senses—grass lay like white pearls—mushrooms chirped— I thank God Jehovah for making my life beautiful.

I was able to complete the Autobiography My Story written by Kamala Das. I also finished another novel: The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass. I have lovely little library with a collection of Books, ranging from Fiction, Philosophy and poetry. Since the school is closed I have no work to do. I am able to idle around like a Sultan.

What is there to write? I wonder at the very statement! How does writing occur? Let’s look at writing from a Freudian point of view. A writer has to balance the ID with Ego and the Super Ego. The ID (the body’s desires) is sensual and erotic and the ego (culture and language assimilated) and the Superego (laws of the society) are to be in balance. In short the writer is an acrobat, tight-rope-walking on these three poles. At an earlier point of time my world view was different. I maintained the view: glorify the ID, deify the ego and subvert the super ego. If one goes according to that worldview there would be chaos and anarchy. Such an anarchic worldview was the one propounded by the existential Philosophers like Sartre and Camus. I have converted their existential nihilism into existential positivism. Let me explain it. An existential positivist has a purpose in being and therefore s/he is a purposist (purpose and ism). Life for Purposist lies in Valueablization (value and realization). Existential positivism is a new post-post modern philosophy with its involvement as constructive positivism. Life for the purposist is no longer the Sisyphus who rolls a boulder uphill only to find that the Gods have rolled it down. Life is no drudgery. Existential positivism belongs to the Philosophy of Value Epistemology. Another theme for Valublelization is Globalization. Globalization has so far taken place in the economic and cultural spheres. The ultimate form of Globalization should be the spread of peace, the abolition of weapons, absence of war and all nations being engaged dialogic compassion. Such a kind of globalization can be called Christablization (Christ and abilization). The Christian ethic of don’t beggar your neighbor but enrich him or her should become a reality. Post Post modernism from an ontological point of view lies in the realm of Value epistemology.

I came across a verse in the Gospel of John: “you can live off his generosity—he will pour a gift, a gift and a gift”. Lord Jehovah Jesus, my finances are running low. Grab a grain full of granary and replenish my purse and my bank account.

Evening passed by with the clouds forming a grey impressionistic canvas. Thunder grumbled and I am waiting for rain to occur.

I was thinking about the Holy Communion. Christ called his disciples and took some bread and broke it and said to them: ‘this is my body so eat it’. He took some wine and said to them: ‘this is my blood and drink it.’ I am wondering if the Holy Communion should be done by the clergy. Should it! My answer is no. Every day I take some bread and water and offer it as libation to Christ the savior.

It was cloudy for a long time. It has started raining now. How beautiful are the wet showers. Rain is pouring gently on the earth. Are they the tears of the sky? Is the sky weeping in joy? If you are tuned to nature you get rid of worries and sorrows of this world. Nature is God’s Gift. The robes of nature are more beautiful than Solomon’s robes.

According to Semitic religions like Judaism and Islam it is customary for males to get circumcised. One Muslim friend of mine told me to get circumcised. I did it for his satisfaction. Am I better off or worse? I don’t know. It was the Apostle Paul who said that the gentiles need not be circumcised.

Elections are round the corner. There are three major parties contesting elections. They are left, the Congress and the far right. The far right want to make India into religious country. The left party is a party with fallen ideals and who won’t get a majority. Which party should a secular person vote for? We should vote for a party promoting liberal, secular ideals.

Analysis of My Story by Kamala Das

Kamala Das hails from India and is famous for her collection of Short Stories, poetry and her famed Autobiography My Story.

The autobiography starts off with Kamala Das sand her family hybridizing into the customs of British Culture. It is interesting and ironic that she accepted European rulers with bonhomie.

She talks of herself and her brother being bullied by whites in school. Is she contradicting herself?
Again Kamala talks of Indian Patriotism. Her father asks her to shed of all ornaments and wear Khadi Saris. Is she a confused soul? On the one hand she accepts British rule and on other hand she displays Indian patriotism.

Kamala has a wounded childhood. Her parent’s behavior is oxymoronic. She describes her father as being crude and her mother has being refined and sophisticated.
It is political irony that she admires Hitler and Mussolini whose photos were being displayed in newspapers. They have turned out to be the worst tyrants of History.

Kamala_DasKamala Das talks of her childhood days of belonging to family of literary cognoscenti. From her writings it is very clear she was highly Europeanized.
Kamala Das is fond her aunt and at her death she found many poems dedicated to Krishna.

It’s an interesting fact that while she was in school, a girl named Devaki wrote a love letter for her. Actually the reality is that Kamala did not know of sexuality till marriage.
Kamala Das talks of her grand uncle who was an avid reader and a collector of books. She also mentions him of joining the Theosophical movement. Is her narrative a fashionable cosmetic? After deconstruction texts are canopy of being interpreted. Claims to intellectualism can be a sham.

Kamala Das recalls her experiences her life in boarding school. This was a time when she got infatuated. She always dreamt of being a princess. Her mind was clouded with thoughts of fetish narcissism. Very early in life she embraced the idea of bourgeoisie capitalism.

It’s interesting to note Kamala transition to adolescence. When she menstruated she thought she was going to die. Her mother guffawed it and gave her sanitary napkins.
I admire Kamala Das for having no color of religious prejudice. Many of her father’s staff were Muslims. When the Hindu Muslim riots broke out, she was vociferously against these riots.

Kamala in a narrative recounts a young man who visited her, a charming intellectual who had a crush on her and who kissed her on the lips. It was an epiphany of coming to terms with one’s sexuality.

Kamala recalls when she was young, she was forced into marriage. Her husband was crude lecherous creature, quite to her disappointment, she being very romantic. Kamala talks of her first night where she was literally raped by her husband.
Her husband was a beastly character. There is one instance where he locked the first born in the kitchen as a punishment and he had to stay there for the whole night.
There is moment in her life when she almost insane. It is quite clear that she was wounded soul with the heart of poetry.

Kamala talks of many experiences which made her a writer. One is her husband’s beastliness of wanting to plunder her in bed. This was a too harsh string for her. Then came the sights and smells of Calcutta. She became thrilled to see Eunuchs dancing in the street. Numerous were sexual escapades. All of her life she was looking for ideal love. She was in conflict with love and confused about the difference between Platonic and Erotic love. Yes Kamala Das was blatant in violating the shibboleths of Kerala culture.
There came an instance in Kamala’s life, after the publishing of her autobiography, My Story, she became estranged from her husband.