Lampooning The Tarot

The Magician

There’s nothing psychic about you.  Real life is a life of hard work. Persistence and perseverance will to lead to accomplishing goals. There’s no magic in you and you are only a piece of paper.

The High Priestess

How can an idol like you predict one’s   future and fortune? Woe to those who sprinkle incense at your altar.  The sacred feminine is an ordinary woman working hard to make both ends meet. If you occur in a reading, shoo and pooh you.

Empress

You have become decadent in the annals of History. You bring no luck and fortune. I am going to rubbish you into the dustbin.

Emperor

Woe to you foolish creature. Life is simple and not a complicated royalty. People love the single things of life and they do not require a tarot reading.

Hierophant

Nature and God will outlive you as being teachers of humanity.  There is nothing esoteric about you. You have fooled millions of people with your tarot reading.

Lovers

Real and romantic love is to be found in humans and not in a card. Real love is emotions and ecstasy. If you occur in a reading, you will be discarded as a pile of junk.

The Chariot

The Chariot has relevance to contemporary life as something that moves. The chariot is a machine. How can the Chariot show the future? That’s baloney. If a chariot occurs in a reading, kiss the earth and say goodbye.

Strength

How can strength be found in a card? How can strength predict the future of a person? Strength is connoted with lexical meaning and it means bodily strength and also a quality of the mind.

Hermit

No one loves to live life in seclusion. Hermit is a misnomer. Humans have the tendency to be passionate about life. Yes Hermit as a Metaphor means solitude of nature.

The Wheel of Fortune

The Wheel of Fortune is the most baffling card. If drawn, it predicts good luck. That never happens. Count on your fortunes as a blessing from God. If the wheel fortune is drawn: tear it and say Hello loudly.

Justice

How can the card Justice imply the quality of being fair? Justice is legality and left to the courts. How can justice show an aspect of life? If Justice comes in a reading, give a tiny scratch and turn the lights on.

Hanged Man

A hanged Man is showing a person on a tree lying relaxed. Hanged Man is an aberration for a God which has created human beings. Cough up the symbolism of the tarot and put your trust in God.

Death

Death is a card that harbors negativity. Just rebuke it with the blood of Jesus. The Tarot is all lies. If you get the card of death, put it in water and eat a gooseberry.

Temperance

The Lexical meaning is thus: being abstinent from alcohol and drugs. Humans are emotional people and they need to exhibit their feelings. If you get the card Temperance, grease it out with ink.

The Devil

The Devil is a beastly tempest. Why should invite the Devil into one’s life? Being one with God we have to live a life purity and virtue. If the Devil card comes in reading burn it up.

The Tower

The Tower in the Tarot symbolizes ruin and profligacy. The tower is not a negative thing but a positive one, symbolizing strength and determination.  If the Tarot occurs in a reading, say Hallelujah Amen and make the paper into bits and pieces.

The Star

The Star in the Tarot symbolizes good luck and fortune. How can one put one’s trust in bits of paper? It is better to rely on God than on the tarot. If the tarot comes in a reading, wash it by saying: I won’t sing no more.

 

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