Lampoon

A Horror-scope for 2019
Aries
Aries the first sign resembles the horns of a ram. 2019 is a year of pulp fiction. The predictions made by astrologers are facile and incoherent. Count on hope rather than in luck. Chant this mantra: FORBELLUM SINCTUM CALMAITUM. This year you are going to have the fear of smells. Avoid smelly places. Lady luck opens her eyes and then closes it. Pinch on your nipples thrice a day for luck.
Taurus
Taurus is the sign of the bull. Chant this mantra for what you aspire. ARCANIEUM MUNDANUM LACTORIUM. You will have to pull a cart in both directions. Kiss a virgin before you go to bed.
Gemini
For Gemini the sign of the twins this year is smooth and flexible. Don’t believe in astrology. Chant this mantra thrice: LEKULUM PAKANIUM SECULUM. Scratch your ass three times for this year being a successful one. Chances are likely to be twin faced as your signs say.
Cancer
Cancer the sign of the crab has hope waiting in favor. Chant this mantra thrice: SECULUM NOSTALGIUM VANESIUM. Drink the milk of a lactating mother. Refrain from high places. Collect some of your hair and burn it.
Leo
Leo the Lion has smooth sailing this year. Chant this mantra thrice: FOOLISHM CANADIAM VANDANIUM. All astrologers are liars. Pinch your skin day and night. Eat the petal of a flower in milk.
Virgo
For Virgo the Virgin, new opportunities open up not because of the stars but because of hard work. Chant this mantra three times: VRIGILIAM ANEDUM SANTICORIM. Your effort will be rewarded. Pat a woman on her but to make things easier for you.
Libra
For Libra the balancing scales, this year is one of fruition not because of the swagger of astrologers and tarot readers. At the work place people admire you for hard work Skip five times a day and be kind to yourself.
Scorpio
Scorpio the sign of the scorpion has a year of results. Chant this mantra: DEVILIUM SINDICUM PLASORTNIUM for luck. Look at the bums of a new born calf to be successful.
Sagittarius
For a Sagittarian there is no stagnancy this year. Chant this mantra twice: MYOPIUM RIDICUM RIDDICULUM to make this year smile. Keep on adding zeros to a 1 digit and when done exclaim that you are silly one. You can carry the world on your shoulders with a smile.
Capricorn
For Capricorn the goat this year is tasty meat for you. You will rubbish astrology as a myth. Chant this mantra thrice: WISTILUM MERGATIUM TREMINIUM to be lucky. Write: I don’t believe in nonsense 210 times a day.
Aquarius
For Aquarius the water carrier the world will flow smoothly in your vessel not by luck or by chance but by your own efforts. Chant this mantra: ANADIUM CONDOMIUM RUBICUM to yield beneficial results. Take a virgin’s hair and burn it.
Pisces
For Pisces the fish, the astrologers have rubbished you as a sign of fish floating in opposite directions. That has been a personality stigma. Remove all the negative influence of astrology. Chant this mantra thrice: LCUCKYNIUM ACHIEVIUM TREMENDUM. Gently rub the behind of a cow this year for one’s own satisfaction.

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April 8th 2019

I had to do a bit of traveling today to put my son in an autistic school. The journey took 5 hours approximately.

I woke up the morning after a goodnight’s sleep. Nature revealed itself in the art of meditation.

The sky became a poetic marvel—magic landscape— a gaze so poignant—a whisper of sound—a beauty to fathom—a surreal dream—a fictional oeuvre—a drama so memorable—a poem of the soul. The Sun rose as Handle’s Messiah. I feel so happy that I have found myself in Christ.

Little Children
When the little children came to Jesus—the disciples shooed them away. Then Jesus said: bring them to me and said: if you want to enter the Kingdom of heaven, you must be like little children. Little children as an Idiom means, being innocent. In this world, little children are a few. In this world of desires, it is hard to be like little children.


Walking on Water

When the disciples of Jesus were in a boat, a fierce storm struck. They cried out to Jesus: ‘master we are drowning’. Then Jesus walked on water and pacified them. Walking on water means, accomplishing a difficult task with ease. Mathematics for him was like walking on water. The exam for her was like walking on water.


Barabbas

This occurred during the trial of Jesus. On a festival day it was a custom to release a thief. So Pilate asked the mob: ‘who do you want to release: Pilate or Jesus? The crowed replied: ‘release Barabbas’! Barabbas as an idiom means condemning an innocent person. Courts should not become Barabbas.

Pilate
We all know the story of Jew-clergy convicting Jesus. When Jesus was brought to trial before Pontius Pilate: he washed his hands in public and said: he is not taking any responsibility and said to them condemning Jesus is your responsibility. Pilate as an idiom means not taking responsibility. It is common to have a Pilate in the daily walk of life.

Dogs Get Scraps
This is an incident in which a mother requests Jesus to heal her afflicted daughter. Then Jesus said to her: you have to wait your turn. Then she replied humbly: ‘even dogs get scraps’. Dogs get scraps means things turning out in your favor. I wish my life would be a dog that gets scraps.

Macondo
Macondo is a fictional village in the Novel 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The people in the village belong to the 18th century and they are eccentric and whimsical. Macondo is an Idiom means not relevant to contemporary times. Some places in the world are a Macondo. The speaker’s speech was a Macondo.


Ephphatha

Ephphatha is an Aramaic word and said by Jesus during healing meaning: ‘be opened’. As an Idiom it means something lucky and favorable happening. Let my days be an Ephphatha.


Temple

When Jesus was questioned by the Pharisees: Jesus said to them: the temple would be reduced to rubble and in three days time in will be built. The Pharisees mocked at him and little did they know that Christ was talking about his death and resurrection. Temple as idiom means: coming out from ruins to a world of peace and prosperity. Oh God Jehovah: let a temple happen in my life.