Journal

I woke up fresh this early morn. I watched the sun rising. Light was ejaculating wonderful colors ….felt so contented in my mind. I have stopped worshiping the Devil and I have asked God for forgiveness. Again ill luck sows its seeds when it comes to the lottery. I wonder when these bad days will end. I long for a two thousand rupee in my pocket. I saw a black cat crossing my way and I thought that superstition will bring me money. Alas nothing of that sort happened. I have fixed an appointment with a whore but alas to my fate, I don’t have money. I have to stop reading astrological columns as they are a sign of ill health. They bring to stupendous optimism and then plunge you down into an abyss of pessimism. I wonder how I can quit smoking. I can’t. I am always dreaming of a well paid job. Here in this school, I am getting only a measly sum as allowance. I long to travel to Scandinavian countries. I have started reading the Bible and praying to God. I pray to him that he will alleviate the suffering of my purse. Bible is the flesh of God. I apologized to God for my blasphemy. I am slowly veering to a Christian World View. I dream of spending a night on a houseboat with my significant other. One is forced to write because of necessity. Writing is the unfolding of oedipal energies. Jung had a spirit guide, Philemon who motivated to him. I am really sorry that I have hurt Christ and by not believing on his word. Every day I long to live a poetic life by making music out of everything. My children are a far away from me and I long for them. A raven came close to me and cawed and I take it as a good omen. If every day was lucky for me, I will be the most contented person. Art of mine is words and I want to pour it out into the world. By coming closer to Christ, I have become a happy person. Yes, Christ gives a happiness that the world does not give. I have started reading the gospels and I am amazed that a virgin could conceive and the prophecy of that written thousands of years in the book of Isaiah. God shield me from the rough patches of life. I remember the incident when my new born son was serious and doctors proclaimed him to be dead. Christ did a miracle and gave him back to me. Yes, Lord I am so thankful for that. I long to write narratives on various books that I have purchased. I have started a workout and I feel much better. Insomnia has been haunting me for years and I ask Christ to heal me from its fangs. Where is this life taking me? I don’t know. I am going to spend my days anchored in Christ. Christ I love with heart body and soul. Make me a new person. Christ, you are adored, worshipped and glorified. May you reign in the heavens of glory? Thank you for shedding your blood on the cross and thank you for saving my soul. Lord make me a purposeful person. Life is not an existential, meaningless absurd as the philosophers of existentialism vouch. Lord please lead me every day and fill my purse to the brim so that I lack in nothing.

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