Daily Journal

Woke early morn ….had dreams about my childhood ….I could see my dead grandpa and grandma in my dreams. Feel the love of early tea striking on my lips. Poems woke up in my heart. I have a new significant other and her name is Grace. She lives in Ghana. I want to go and meet her there and make passionate and erotic love to her. Today had to go to the registrar’s office in Aleppy. On one side is the road and on the other the tranquil and seducing backwaters. Lush paddy fields swayed and kissed in the wind. Storks dazzled themselves soaking in the luscious water. Saw a horde of ducks waddling in water. Saw a resort and in houseboats. I dream of spending a night with my lover in one of those. It’s been ages since I have smoked weed. The euphoria of it is fascinating. Can feel time slowing down and the arousal of lust. A cop stopped us on the way and our pollution cert. had expired but he did not fine us. In the registrar’s office accompanying me was my wife and accountant. A demon took over me and I started watching porn in my cell. My wife gave a fierce outburst. Somehow I feel, me and my wife are not made for each other. I want to bequeath her the school and the house and move out and I also want to divorce her. On the way back we had tapioca and roast duck …..Oh my it was so tasty and so succulent. Somehow I feel the devil is using me, my talents as a door mat. I removed all the posts that were praising him. I am really confused about my worldview. The Christian worldview is pure and righteous and difficult to follow. There are no rewards for worshiping the devil. Yes, Camus is right when he said life is meaningless and absurd. Yes, I badly want to go to Ghana and meet my significant other. Need to win a windfall.