Daily Journal

The day is pleasant with sunny picturesque skies. Early morning I had a dream but I can’t remember what it is. I can call it as dream Amnesia. Birds floated in the sky like poems. Metaphors sculpt the sky like poetic bards. Feelings pour out into verses of streams of consciousness. I wish to win tidy sum in a windfall today. I ponder on the meaning of Literature. Literature is a subjective, aesthetic anarchy of the mind. Poems flow from the mind of feeling. I am longing to smoke weed. But it is hardly available. It’s lollapalooza to live with a poetic heart. I read the Bible in the morning and I was reading the story of Abraham. Abraham’s wife Sarah conceived when she was 100. Isn’t that amazing? I long to visit the holy land. To live the life of poetry and music is to cherish life at its highest point. Character is the penetration of the soul. Today I won 1000 Rupees; I took 10 tickets with the same number, each winning 100 Rupees. God, when will I win a grand windfall? Jesus: ‘the birds of the air neither sow nor reap, yet the heavenly father takes care of them’. One theology Professor whose book I wrote a commentary said that my argument to save Christianity is a-historical and incorrect. I ironically wonder why he’s teaching Christianity. Though I am not perfect, yet my belief lies rooted in Christ. Yes, I profess myself to be a Christian apologist. Beauty, you lie in the passions of the heart. Verses are small poems with wings now floating gently as music in the air. Poems make me nostalgic of Heaven. God, Christ has been good to me. I wonder about Plato’s allegory of the cave. There is a cave in which is dark and people can see the other side as light. Plato was talking about the theory of forms. I have started writing calligraphy and I feel so contented about it. When I was hooked on astrology, I use to devour all the writings of astrologers. Astrology only created anguish in the mind. Now after stopping I am much happier. I have applied for teaching jobs to many international schools abroad but I am sad that I am getting no response. One school in Qatar rang me up and said they will have the interview in July. I have read letters written by Van Gogh to Theo his brother. Van Gogh is passionate about art. The art of the novel is my passion for writing. Words have to be put into new contexts of newer meanings. My novel is philosophical and aesthetic. My daily blog writings will be put into a novel—The Waltz of Life. I have removed all negative thoughts from my mind. I have put my whole faith and trust in God, Christ. Christ was a down to earth existentialist. The kingdom of God has been illustrated by Christ as a parable. My flesh is carnal and sinful and I always ask Christ to rid me off my carnality. I have committed adultery and I am deeply sorry for it. Yes, Christ loves the sinner and not the sin. Christ has said: ‘he has come for the lost sheep’. I loved the way in which Kzantzakis in his book ‘Last Temptation of Christ, portrayed the divine and the earthly nature of Christ. In my anger I have thrown and stamped the Bible and now I feel sorry for it. I am amazed at the faces of people when they die. Some have a sweet smile; some people have their faces wrinkled into a frown. Is there a meaning to life beyond death? Reading philosophy makes the mind go analytical; reading the Bible makes you peaceful. The Bible is a story about weak people and trouble makers, people who aren’t perfect. Yet by divine sanction they became God’s chosen vehicles. The will if bequeaths pride is human. The question is how to reign on to God’s will. Even Christ’s words: ‘let your will be done on earth and heaven’, shows the least resistance of will. Even though King David did adultery with Bathsheba, he repented and found favor with God. Nietzsche went mad by proclaiming the ‘death of God’. Which philosophy is better—Nietzsche’s will to power or the Sermon on the Mount affirmation: ‘blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth’. Nietzsche’s philosophy is one of pride. We need humility to live on the earth. I am happy about life, no longer disgusted with myself. Time has healed all my wounds of the past of being rejected in love. Still I have the fondness for her in my heart. Her hands were soft and silky to touch. How I cherish the first kiss I made. The kiss is a passionate poem. I regret the fact that I could not make love to her. Poor soul, she is no longer on this earth. She left her earthly body in an accident. I don’t even have a photo of her. I refute Camus notion that life is absurd. Life is poetry to be lived. I am frequently prone to mood swings as I have bipolar disorder. I have missed many job opportunities in my life. I pray and hope that things will turn out better. Marquis De Sade was once upon my time a hero. I became fascinated with murder, bestiality and sadism but not anymore. Love is my passionate hero. Kindness is my friendly neighbor. God, Christ is my faithful and trusted friend. Hope is my favorite niece. I am not stingy with money. Tomorrow is going to be a day with me. I can have a quite drink and relax as my wife is going away for a couple of days. Yes, I long to have a good drink. Why even Noah was drunk. I don’t have a good church to go to. Black gospel music and Black churches are my passion. They are so spontaneous in their praise and worship.

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