Museaphors

Museaphors are examples of a new species of metaphors. A metaphor is created called a primary metaphor and then from it a secondary metaphor is created.

Examples of Museaphors

Her pubis was a dark night. The dark night enveloped his life’s misery.

Palestine is a hot volcano. She too is a hot volcano.

Making love was paradise for them. His paradise is a bottle of scotch.

While making love, they blossomed into a flower. Reading fiction was a blossoming flower for him.

Time became a hyperbole of smoking weed. Weed is the essence of an epiphany in his life.

His dreams are soaked in a watery apparition. When he hallucinates on weed, he becomes a watery apparition.

He wakes with the art of an erection. The art of erecting language is possible as a hyperbole.

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The Bug

All interceptions are translated by the decoding machine: Penetron located in the headquarters of the CIA Central Idiots Agency.

From the Country Penistan: An intercept of midnight conversations between President Scrooginsky and his wife Ms. Scrooginsky

Ms. Scrooginski:“Turn on the porn on….let me get aroused!

President Scroogeinsky taps on the keyboard and a porn site opens.

Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘Wow soooo delicious I am getting horny’….Lift me darling on to the bed and strip me like a slut’.

President Scrooginski: Yes my honey ….here I go!

Ms. Scrooginski: Lick me lasciviously!‘Glug Glug Glug….Slurp Slurp Slurp…..ooooooh aaaaaah I am coming like a tsunami in the ocean’

Ms. Scrooginsky moans and grunts as she reaches the peak of orgasm.

‘Now penetrate me!’

Mr. Scrooginski ‘Wait a minute darling….fondle me a bit….let it get hard….

Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘My hubby, is it nice?…here, I am lip-and-tongue-sucking-it…….Honey why are you still limp and not becoming hard?

Mr. Scrooginsky: ‘Honey I am not getting aroused. I wish I was like the executed stud President Sadam Salamasala in bed with his concubines…. I wish you could have slept with him. He would have been rock hard in penetration. It’s sad that I had to execute him for the greater glory of Capitalism. Wait dear let me try Ballsapp the new pill to give penis virility’ ‘Darling I am devastated: my A K 47 is limp, fragile and unwilling.

Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘Honey please do understand; I will go lesbian with Ms Cuntistick the President of Femilasia’. I will please myself and pleasure her to rituals of erotic ecstasy.

Mr. Scrooginsky: ‘By all means go ahead dear darling honey. We have to dollarize that impoverished country. At home, our currency has scant value and our economy is billions of dollars in deficit. It is our subversive strategy of making all countries to be monetary friendly as the dollar. We are also becoming rich by selling arms to the fanatics and terrorists who want to establish a new country called Sacred Tutkey. We are not in the agenda of destabilizing nations but it’s happening due to our greed and hypocrisy wanting to be rich gluttons of authority, wealth and ownership. Honey are you done…. or do you want another feast?’

Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum grunting and groaning and teasing the dick of the President with her toes finally ecstasies into the pussy gobbling mouth of the President. I am done dear President. Can you please tell me why you opened diplomacy and bonhomie with your foe and erstwhile neighboring country Cubepista?’

Mr. Scrooginsky: Smiling wickedly and muttering to Ms. Scrooginsky. ‘My darling, that’s a long story. That is because my honey I wanted to own Aladdin’s Magic Lamp of riches. I have stashed great chunks of moolah into Swizz bank. After retirement we need lots dough to live an ostentatious life.’

Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘You are a perverted genius politician I admire you though you don’t have a hard on. Your flaccid status is so similar to the state of our economy which is deep down in the dumps.’

Mr. Scrooginsky: ‘Whether it is communist or capitalist all nations are hungry for the dollar of our currency. Do you know honey darling it is our Central Idiot’s Agency that is keeping the countries North Coral and South Coral divided. Darling I have a confession to make. I was gay with the President of North Coral and my cunnilingus sent oodles of joy into his heart and he has promised to keep his country always divided with South Coral.’
Ms. Scrooginsky: ‘What? I am so surprised. Are you really gay? Laughing…. Yes my hub, you should also help me go lesbian with all prominent bankers, diplomats and industrialists of prominent and notorious countries if they are women. I am in the process of thinking of starting a secret cult called the Ballsbergers. Every year we will invite Presidents, Bankers, Industrialists and intellectuals and meet at the snow clad resort of Orgy. We will have orgiastic rituals like those of Satyr, Bacchus and Maenads. Oomph….I am licking my tongue in delicacy’. Yes my darling you will make Penistan a global power and you will be controlling all nations with the whip of subservity.’

Mr. Scrooginsky: ‘Darling I have great admiration for your brains. You are really a blue stocking. Come let me eat you once more to ecstatic delicacy of satisfaction’.

There ends the first Intercept. The second intercept is from the Country of Itany. It is based on the soliloquy of Pope who is the ecclesiastical head of the head of the State.

Pope is in a confessional mode of thought.

Pope in his bedroom confessing to the Virgin

Pope: ‘I am so sorry Virgin and God. My carnal nature has overpowered me. Will you forgive me and please leave a place for me in Heaven and in the ethereal book of life. I am a painter at heart and I love to paint nudes copulating in the throes of various lewd sexual positions. Here is the entire paintings heavenly father. I also love masturbating while painting and also after painting. I am crying in tears. Will you please forgive me gracious father and have mercy on me. Not only that I used to frequently have sex with the maid and also be gay with Cardiknell Verocious. Will my sins be forgiven? Though my body is the temple of Jezebel but yet I have kept my heart crystal clear for you? Dear gracious Father and dear Virgin I also humbly request you to speak to the hearts and souls of Cardiknells so that after my death they will canonize me.

There ends the Second Intercept. The third intercept takes place in the would -be country Terroritoria.

Colonel Ishmael Sack is the overall head of operations, logistics and intelligence of would-be country Terroritoria.

Colonel Ishmael Sack: Hey brutes: ‘Where is my favorite Bactrian camel Alif Lailah. Bring it here. Have you bought the missionaries for execution? Please also bring a ladder. You know I have to reach the buttocks of Camel Alif Lailah. It’s the apt time now since I have a hard-on.

Lieutenant Yacoob: ‘Here is the Camel Sir. The missionaries are ready to be executed. They are all evangelists from the Country Penistan. My sword Isloom is ready. The muezzin is reading from the sacred text UR.’

All of the devotees of Colonel Ishmael Sack chant from prayers from the sacred text UR. Then all of a sudden Colonel Ishmael Sack’s concubine Hagar does a strip tease act. This is also prescribed in the sacred text of UR. As blood from the cut necks of the missionaries from Penistan spill over, Colonel Ishmael Sack mounts on the ladder and when he reaches the ass of the camel, he in glee inserts himself and starts to copulate. All the devotees chant sacrificially: ‘Our God URAH URAH be praised. We will receive a reward from URAH in heaven for waging a holy war KURK against infidels would-be Country Terroritoria.

There ends the third intercept. The fourth Intercept is taking place in country Oilphagy.

Sheik BinKasheem Binabdull speaks to the President of Penistan over the phone.

Sheik BinKasheem Binabdull: ‘Mr. President Scrooginsky. You must keep your promise of sending me young studs for my harem Gigolonia. Are they young? Are they delicious? My mouth is watering and my groin in thirsting. Mr. President, I will remain true to my word and peg my country’s currency Hamham at much lower rate that your currency. Since our Country is oil rich, I assure you that all transactions of oil will be done strictly on the basis of your country’s currency. Please keep in mind your promise of supplying us with more armaments.’

Mr. Scrooginsky: ‘I assure you my promise will be kept. The studs will arrive by the evening flight. I hope you will have gala time with them. But I also command you to peg your currency with ours with the rate that was originally quoted by me. You have to cooperate because you have no other go.’

Sheik BinKasheem Binabdull Meekly and submissively: ‘Mr. President, by all means I accede to your demands.’

There ends the fourth intercept. The fifth intercept is taking place in the Country

Hornyduras. The cocaine drug Baron Pervernosky is conversing to his assistant who is handling overseas covert operations of Cocaine in the Country Penistan.

Baron Pervernosky: ‘Has the shipment arrived? Why is my whore angel Balladine flaunting herself in the magazine Playbody? I command you to slit her throat. How much have you paid the officials of the country Penistan? If they don’t yield, murder them. By the way I have deposited your reward in Swizz bank under your pen name Mr. Lotus.

There ends the fifth intercept.

Shit

It does not come to me very easily when I wake up in the morning. Four glasses of coffee, four cigarettes and then oh boy my anal muscles start twitching like Beethoven’s symphony. I have to rush to the rest room. Poof…I explode like a cracker and it falls into the commode like a volcano. Sometimes it comes out wholesome like a gigantic banana.

HermenUtricks

My discourse is a democratic dialogue. From hermeneutics I have coined ‘hermenutricks’; for hermenutricks the dialogue transforms discourses into many labiated ecstasies. Hermenutrics is orgiastic semiotics. It is a slutifacotry term embodying slutifactorality. Slutifactorality, slutifactorness, slutificality de-centers logo-centric thought. Slutaciousness is a glasnost and perestroika of dialogues in rap-slap-stick musicality. Slutiness creates multiple centers of meaning. Instead of binary divide, there’s a binary fusion of meanings. For example, colored as a meaning of phenomenological ontology has acquired disparaging racial connotations. In slutiness race becomes colored as the all: white, black and brown. Meaning is slutaciously configured to express multiple centers of reality. A slutacian reaches many meanings of orgasmic reality.

Hockuspockuslexicadabra

Borges the father of magic realism fell on the table asleep holding the pen. In the dream he saw a feminine beast; her body was a claw and her face was a fang; she was holding a scroll that was folded like a phallus. In the dream he was told that the sign of the structuralists, the one consisting of the signifier and the signified was going to be made esoteric and arcane. What are the signifier and the signified in the sign? For example if Rose is Passion, rose is physical and tangible and belongs to the sensate realm and passion is an idea and belongs to the intelligible realm. The feminine beast having the body of claw and the face of a fang unrolled the folded phallus. On it was written: ‘I am making the signifier go blind and the signified go deaf’. She grinned at him viciously and smiled toothless and said: hockusposckuslexicadabra. Puzzled Borges woke up and made a disappointed fart.

Love

Your island is
Frozen sculpture…
I am so far away…
Yet I live close to
You in words….
I am sensitive to
Your words…
And some times
They pierce the veins …
Leaving in me a wounded self…
The evening has come,
There’s a musical flute
In the sky ….
I feel your heart in my veins,
Vibrating your inner garden…
You always ask me the question,
What it means to be truly loved…
Love is an echo of the heart’s call,
A musical fountain where
We can chant hymns of bliss….
Why are you so far away from me…?
I am trying my best,
To come closer to you…
Soon it will be…
We are flowers
Delicately swaying and
Touching each other in the wind…
Don’t fret my love….
Though I am far,
The wings of my heart
Flow to yours and I am
Submerged like words of poetry;
The evening is settling down
I imagine your hands clasped
In mine ….
I imagine I am talking to you
Of love and love alone…
I am sad and lonely without you,
A broken song whose strings
Wander with all hopes of you ….
When will you come into my life…?
Yes time will place a musical gift.